10/10/10

Ten steps into another disaster.
Ten smiles that fade away faster.
Ten pieces of a heart to break.
Ten more reasons to hide the pain.
Ten songs we sing in the car.
Ten tears that fall too far.
Ten nights of perfect laughter .
Ten kisses that always come after.
Ten moments of paradise.
Ten little secrets in your eyes.
Ten cravings for your touch.
Ten fingers that are never enough.
Ten glances at your lips.
Ten seconds into your kiss.
Ten ways to say good night.
Ten more if you count a fight.
Ten memories that we will make.
Ten replacements for our mistakes.
Ten fantasies inside our heads.
Ten words never left unsaid.

Ten Ten Ten

A Song for the Broken

Turn your smile over to me.
I won't share it with anyone.
Like fingerless piano keys,
I'm longing for your touch.
Strum me like guitar strings
and sing your song for us.
Open your eyes for me again.
I won't reveal your secrets.
I'm all out of breath again
and screaming for your heart.
From the top of my empty lungs
and into your open arms.
Come back before I break.
I won't recover without you.
I'm here reaching for your face
and falling for your kiss.
The first step to my disaster
was loving you like this.
Fill your voice with melodies.
I won't forget to sing.
I'm everything when you're next to me
but I'm nothing all alone.
My life is like a music box
and you're the only song I know.
Read the diary of my life.
I won't leave out a single word.
With every promise that you find,
I hope you understand.
The only time I feel alive
is when I'm in your hands.
Sing the song of forever.
I won't take it for granted.
I'm just a box of old love letters.
I'm here for the memories.
Open me up for the smiles
and unfold the world for me.
Return the fire to my eyes.
I won't give in to darkness.
But if my heart still divides
and I can't make it through,
when it comes time to say good bye,
take my breath with you.

The worst thing we can say is good bye
I don't even want to say good night.
Let the words fall off your tongue
for the beaten and the broken
and the victims we've become.
We sing our song one last time.
Pray the dance goes on forever
and the music never dies.

The Mascara Massacre

You wear a cross around your neck
but I see hell inside your smile
because hidden in the corners of your lips,
the devil waits to steal my grace.
Your eyes shine a beautiful brown
and your hair is dark as demon wings
Still I crumble to pieces in your presence
because my downfall is your face.

And I will fall again to my knees
because as evil as you are,
you're still heavenly to me.

You speak with a dark charisma
like an angel filled with malice
And you know the wickedness in your voice
just renders me free of breath.
You're a mascara massacre,
a cyanide kiss I have to taste
and now I'm lost in this twisted love
as your heart beats me to death.

Still falling, crashing to my knees
because as evil as you are,
you're still everything to me.

The Corpse of Us

While sifting through the ashes of all my dreams
just like a beating heart torn apart at the seams
I saw you drowning in all the space between
our very first kiss to our very last scream.
You burn me up with the wicked souls
just like the hands you long to hold
or the blades you stain with blood so cold
you rip out the pages of a story untold.

In the back and through the heart,
I'm bleeding out your love.
Say good bye to alibis
Your knife wears my blood.
Send a hearse for my heart
a body bag for my trust
Bury all that remains of me
Burn yourself to dust
because there's nothing left of us.
Bury me in memory
There will never be a you and me
Bury me eternally
I'm as dead to you as I'll ever be.

Hold me down with all the weight of my mistakes
Just like an angel's eyes trapt in a traitor's face
another lie is born with every breath you take
and you hide inside the cracks of all the hearts you break.
Next to you I fall asleep keeping an open eye
just like an open coffin to see you one last time.
Innocent like a doll the moments you close your eyes
but deadly like a murderer the moment you come alive.

Around the neck and through the chest
Your love is bleeding through
As I die inside your eyes
The killer in me is you.
Dig a grave for my love
Fill a coffin with my hopes
In this haunted home we built
We've become the ghosts
with empty hearts and souls.
Bury me in memory
There will never be a you and me
Bury me eternally
I'm as dead to you as I'll ever be.

In the Still of Starlight

Cryptic paragraphs she writes
Lyrics of a parasite
Hidden agenda lullabies
Folded notes of suicide,
but no one believes her.
Notebooks filled to the brim
With secrets of her suffering
Outside forever looking in
Through the glass of her own skin,
but no one ever sees her.
Endless pain she feels inside
She finds herself an exit sign
Running through the bluest lines
Mapping out her last good bye,
and no one's there to stop her.
Eyeliner black as night
The darkest heart with skin so white
She gives her body to the knife
Confessions in the moonlight,
but lifeless they will find her.
Pages of her bitterness
An open book of evidence
Through their tears, they think of this
The only chance they had but missed,
and no one will ever save her,

...but now, they finally see her.

Wasted Breath

Long before the memories of your face
were forgotten or replaced
Like the mascara tears that stain
and the open hearts you break
I took the blame
I crashed the gate
Into your life of drunken wounds
The shadow that was following you
My arms were your confessional
I fell in love with your truths
So vulnerable.
I protected you,
and I was holding on for dear life.

I guess we never know how dangerous a heart can be
Until it breaks and it's too late,
and chokes us with the memories.

We lost ourselves somewhere between
our wrinkled sheets and faded dreams
Like when you smile in your sleep
You're lying through your teeth
You wanted me to burn and bleed
to fix the glass of shattered years
Dripping like your pity tears
You hold me close but insincere
And stain my shirt with all your fears
I see it clear; there's trouble here
and I have to let go tonight.

I guess I should've know
When I started trusting you
With you lies, you compromised
All the love I felt for you.

I wasted breath on promises
to place you on that monument
A pedestal built with confidence
that cracked beneath your decadence
Your heartlessness, I suffered this
To pick you up off the ground
A pseudo princess with a crown
I'm stupid but I'm learning now
I helped you up to let me down
I'm breaking down; I hate the sound
And I have finally realized.

I guess I'll let you go
Leave you in the dust
With the fake, hearts that break
And forget what's left of us.

Mischief

Open hearts make open wounds.
Counting the seconds next to you.
Take these moments lost in time.
Organized or ostracized,
Be my doom, my gloom, my knife
Everything will be alright
Remember we are of the night.

Murder all my doubts for me
I am insecurity.
Stitch my flaws to your own
Can't be real, can't be known
Hold me in a death embrace
I need the kill, a ghostly gaze
Emanating from our mistakes, but
Finding solace inside your face, I just can't look away.

Conversations to Kisses - by Michelle Quinones

Our cars collide, sweet cyanide, the ink that intertwines. 

Chaotic impulses I shall abide, as you undress me with your eyes. 

Trace my lips with your fingertips, I'm drowning in your decadence. 

Over coffee, words, and cigarettes, comparing scars without regrets. 

Beautiful disaster, you're my perfect waste of time. 

Every second locked in a memory, 

Remedies of the mind.

Keep What You Kill

You can't see the moon behind a coffin door.
I'm lying beneath an arrangement of black roses and faded Polaroids.
Smiling at every thought of escape.
But failing to find a way out of the hole you're keeping me in.
It's dark in here; but it feels like home.
Other than the spiders crawling on my soul, I'm fine inside this hole.
[Keep what you kill]
On my back, dead as a fly.
Bury me without wings, so I'll never run away again.
[Keep what you kill]
My artificial dreams are insubstantial.
I'm filling the hole in your heart with the remains of my dead hopes.
With a sacrificial send off, I release my guardian angels.
And cut the chains and ropes.
I make bold moves in your shadow.
I fill myself with your sorrow.
But it's better than being hollow.
[Keep what you kill]
On my knees like a fallen angel.
Begging for forgiveness but never returning to heaven.
[Keep what you kill]
I'm beneath you, beneath it all for you.
I'm trapped under the life I gave to you.
Looking up underneath the moon, dying to be a part of you.
Dust and cobwebs over my ambition.
I'm lost behind pine and dirt.
My neighbors are the souls of the damned.
My memory is black.
But I remember the pain.
My blood is all over your hands.
I'm a lifeless tomb in formal wear.
Secrets hidden beneath dead air and my guilt is leaking everywhere.
[Keep what you kill]
I'm beneath you, beneath it all for you.
I'm trapped under the life I stole from you.
Looking up, underneath the moon.
Dying to be a part of you.
[Keep what you kill]
I blame it all on you.

S. C. A. R. (sliced, carved, and reminded) - inspired by "Made of Scars" by Stone Sour

This one was the first one. Got stitches in my head.Maybe that's why I'm fucked up now, cuz I was just a kid.
This one was a pot of water that spilled across my chest.
I watched it boil on my skin then pulled away the flesh.
This one was a tooth. This one was a scrape.
This one was a window and it bled for seven days.
This one was a bottle smashed across my head.
This one was a mirror time and time again.
This one was a fight, a kick that knocked out teeth.
And this is from the tooth of the bastard kicking me.
This one broke a knuckle. This one broke a nose.
This one needed staples cuz it didn't wanna close.
This one was a piercing, ripped right through my skin.
Right above my eye and blood tears stained my chin.
This one remains covered where no one else can see.
Cracks inside my heart that will always fuckin bleed.
This one's on my pride. This one's on my mind.
This one is a memory of the years I did time.
This one is fuck you to all the liars here.
This one is another choice to bleed instead of fear.
This one was a razor that helped me to forget.
These were from a fight between me and a cigarette.
This one came from plaster. This one was a defeat.
This one was my face stomped in to concrete.
This one was a win. This one was a loss.
This one was a girl's heart I should have never crossed.
This one carried stitches. This one was a burn.
This one happened yesterday because I never learn.
This one always tingles. This one is always numb.
My scars are where I've been and how broken I've become.

Masquerading Hell

Those empty quiet words masked as truth, those little gestures and that look from the other room.
Who would've thought that those eyes would see me to my doom.
A little piece of heaven here and there, like soft fingers through my hair.
I know my life masquerades as hell. I'd never thought I'd ever find you there.
You were supposed to save me from these woes.
But instead you sped me up to spiral down.
I'm swimming the drain
Falling away until
the ashes gather
like dust and age
all over me
hope is over
for me
now

Ruthless

I remember bruises on my face, clotting the blood inside my veins.
I remember stitches as they break, tiny souvenirs of yesterday.
I remember tears that fell like rain. You could never hide behind the pain.
I look back and feel my knuckles burn.
I remember now I'll never learn.

Another alternative to rage. Another fuckin window in my way.
Another reflection of my face. Another fuckin smile to hate today.
The bones breaking in my hand. You'll never understand.
I look back and see your ghostly gaze.
I remember why I ran away.

Sorry. It was nothing personal.
I'm a fucking liar; it's always personal.
It's always when you hurt me the worst.
I'll always make you cry. I'll make you burn.
I'll never be the only one that hurts.

Shed another tear and hate my face. Take another drink to medicate.
Sleep away the days I devastate. I don't think I'll ever come to change.
I pretended mirrors were your heart shattering into a million silver shards.
I look back and see why I'm so fucked.
700 years of my bad luck.

I will make you cry so I don't have to.
Ruthless enough to let you into
all my little traps and now I've got you.

Sorry. It was never personal.

Mental Medication (featuring Michelle Quinones)

All is influential.
Mostly confidential
Medication for the mental
Obscene and differential
Where's your common sense yo?
parental and consensual
Lying is essential
Hypnosis in the doses for lack of better words...
Lets hear it for the rebels
Add the bass, raise the treble
Grab your choice utensils
Lets pour our fucking hearts out and be heard..

Empty our hearts and drain our thoughts; we are the broken and the lost.
Here's to the song of all our victims, self-absorbed and so vindictive.
Fuck these souls and their prescriptions. We are the drugs for their afflictions.
We remedy the self-inflicted. Tragedies that we depicted are nothing more than contradictions.
Souvenirs are subtle fictions like suicide notes without encryptions.
Voodoo doll our enemies and set fire to the stitches.
Push the pin and drop the name. Watch it all go up in flames.
Torch the sky for all the clouds. Let's see who's fuckin happy now.
Listen up and buckle down. Knuckles up so fuck it now.
Grab a pen and write this down. Chisel it up or carve it out.
This is Mental Medication for all you clowns. This is what wonderland is all about.
Watch these hearts come pouring out and I'll be there to watch you drown.

4 am nonsense.

Okay people, nothing to see here--just a backyard full of body bags.
Just take the lesson with you when you leave and forget what you saw
Walk away with the fear of a thousand victims who crossed my path before
And remember that the fuckin pen is stronger than the sword.
Plush stuffed bunnies and chocolate dreams turn these rooms to morgues
Follow your soul down to the other side and end up in the drawer
Fake as another rose on a grave, we sleep with the lies we love
Settle in kiddies, the show will begin when your eyes have had enough.
Scissors and razors blades, saws and needles, welcome home my friends
These are my favorite songs to sing but I'll pause to get my revenge.
The song plays for me in a somber room, away from all I need.
From the bodies that lay to the mistakes I have made, the differences are few.
But I'm still breathing motherfuckers, which more than I can say for you.
Ashes to ashes like acid to plastic, those memories of you will also fade.
Like a firefighter on the picket line, I'll do nothing while you burn to be saved.
Cleavers of reasons cutting deep into the flesh of the immovable statues.
The stubborn will fall like the house they honor as the guilt swallows up their virtues.

Sometimer Anthem

In my opinion, and that's all that really matters, people suck. Here's how I know. Cue up some slipknot and read. I've come to notice that people say careless things when everything is fine and dandy. Happiness breeds lies. But, they don't start out as lies. They are genuine statements made in the euphoric heat of comfort. They turn into lies when the person stating them realizes how much bullshit they just shoveled out their mouth and they bail before the smell makes them sick. Just because things are going fine for the moment, don't commit to an emotion haphazardly because it feels right. And when I say people suck, I mean myself as well. I do the same shit. So this is advice for myself too. It just seems more productive to write it down.

Here's an example. When you're out drinking, partying, or just having a sober good time, don't let your joy affect your decision making. The outcome can devastate a relationship in seconds. So all of you sometimers out there making lifelong friendships over 3 shots of Jager and a long talk about your failing sex life, knock it the fuck off. We have enough fake ass people in power. We don't need any more stinking up the lower tier of society. And now for some quick poetry...just because I feel like it.

For all my enemies, I'm predicting a scar.
Fuck all your feelings like a dick in the heart.
When the tears start flowing like dreams in a well.
And your life's just a stain with a lingering smell.
You'll learn tomorrow, you'll learn.
Wake up and feel what I'm talking about.
Or just learn to deal with a gag in your mouth.
The world is a blindfold, better stumble along.
A tragedy so cold, whether you're right or wrong.
I'm a nation of emotions, driven by mutiny,
suffocation and commotion, and not secrecy.
Better learn quick. If not you'll burn quick.
You'll never stop me. Try me and see.
Don't question my intentions, I'm not society.
Either you're on my side or you're on their team.
But I won't stop to pick you up if you fall from my league.
I don't pretend at all when it comes to this.
Better take notes and learn that shit quick.

Damn, where was I? Oh yeah. Fuck people. Fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, and fuck me. Everyone can get it. I don't judge...naaaa I'm lying. I judge everyone who judges me. It's not my fault. It's the way it is. Don't hate me. Matter of fact, hate me. I fuckin love it. If haters are around, I must be doing something right.
Bye, My lovelies. hahahahaha

Song

You
    can play nice.
You
    can think twice.
But you
    will never know me, no matter how hard you try.
You
     are nothing now
You
     just never were
Anything
     I ever wanted, but you were unconcerned.

And it's over because it never really started.
I said it's over before you make your mark.
Oh well it's over. It's over.

I
     was no good
I
     wish I could
But I
     never knew you, and even if I should
I
     am nothing now
No I,
      I never was
Everything
     I ever wanted, I destroyed. I fucking destroyed!

And it's over because it never really started.
I said it's over before you make your mark.
Oh well it's over. It's over.
You won't leave me broken hearted.
You can't break what you can't see.
Oh well it's over. It's over.
It's all over for me.

The Wrench

Cardiovascular mechanism
Psychogenic algorithm
I can't solve this all alone. I need you here with me.
My hypersensitivity to your idiosyncrasies
warms my blood like arteries and you move my heart like clockwork.

You and I are mechanical,
psychosomatic animals.
I can't function on my own. It hurts to think without you.
I'm a hypochondriac, a heart of a hemophiliac
hemorrhaging to get you back so you can fix me once again.

Pulmonary screws are loose
Psychosocial attitude
Every time I think I'm nuts, you're the wrench I use.
Make adjustments to my soul. I'm just flesh over blood and bone.
But this obsolescent heart I own, still ticks for you somehow.

On Failure

         From a conversation about failure... Listen. Because of everything I've witnessed, felt, struggled through, or cried over, anything that resembles failure in the future will be taken as experience rather than a loss. I am realistic about the possibility of failure. I am just no longer open to the suggestion. You do make a lot of sense and I believe you are right, just in regard to others in general. I am way too adamant in my belief to accept the inevitability of failure. Call me stubborn, clueless, and unrealistic, but if that's what drives me to succeed, my unyielding attitude is nothing but productive. Besides, you are too deep of a person to advocate such an absolute theory. You are elaborating on the "Hope for the best but expect the worst" motto. Currently, and fortunately, I don't acknowledge the worst anymore. The worst is over with. The worst was dealing with the consequences of my stupid actions. The worst was watching my mother and son cry to me through a glass partition. The worst was missing my father's funeral because I was incarcerated. The worst was realizing that I had failed the people I love. 

          For 3 years I felt worthless, unimportant. I was an expendable component to the world, a strain on the hearts of the few people that still cared. Some people speak of rock bottom. I lived it. I was stripped of everything, my family, my "friends", my pride, my dignity, and most my sanity. But I realized very quickly that it was all MY fault. I had failed. So I came to this beautiful revelation/commitment: It will never happen again. In no way, shape, or form. I don't just address failure by category, like criminal behavior or relationships. I combine it all into a ball of detrimental ingredients to life itself, then toss it aside. I don't hope for the best and expect the worst. I expect the best. Whatever decisions I make, even with negative outcomes, will be deemed the best for me. Because I know in my damaged little heart that when I made that decision, it was with a clean conscience and a refined dedication to happiness. So, yes, I may become surprised, shocked, crushed, or even suspicious of my confidence. But, I will never believe I failed. I failed enough in this life; it no longer exists to me.

Criminal vs. Judge vs. Criminal

All the teachers are criminals
The lessons are subliminal
Hypothetically hypocritical
Methodically metaphorical
The irony is beautiful
But the mockery is pitiful
They say you're so incapable
of being an individual
They are so judgmental
with sins that are identical
to the same ones they ridicule
They overlook the literal
and focus on the probable
Supposed to be educational
Well I'm lost in the illogical
Psychotically impratical
Feed us lies until we're full
Against the walls we back into
Smiling like a plastic fool
As honest hearts will crack in two
So shall pain come back at you
and paint your life so black and blue
Trust is dead and faith is bruised
They dig apart the flaws in you
with pointed fingers as their tools
We are the broken and abused
They don't teach us how to choose
They learn us how to lose
Then burn us with the news
that the world is just a noose
with a knot you can't get loose
It will be all over soon
Wear a mask and call it truth
Just don't practice being you
Like a class inside a school
we're conforming to the rules
Diving into empty pools
headfirst without the proof
Like a word without a use
Just a robot with no screws
We are mindless and diffused
If we find out we've been used
they just find a new excuse
Blame the parents that abuse
or the drugs that they produce
Say our hearts are underused
and we'll never make it through
but we are taught to reproduce
Never fought for what we lose
Honest thoughts are running loose
But they just stifle and refuse
another rifle aimed at you
another cycle of the truth
another lie and we're seduced
another smile to amuse.
It's been a while since we knew.
We no longer have the clues
We just take in all their truths
and call it important news
We've lost our spark and fuse
and our individual views
Well I can't bow to you
Not as long as I am true
Because I am more than you
and the lies you try to prove
I'll regain forgotten rules
and reclaim and introduce
a new famous point of view
and just blame it all on you
I can name myself a fool
I'm insane and I got proof
My heart has been removed
by the world and how it moves
and the blades that I withdrew
Now my back is bleeding through
So I'm back misleading you
like a judge receiving proof
from the evidence and the clues
exhibit A was introduced
then the jury looked at you
But I don't judge, I commit to the truth
I won't budge, twitch, or even move
You can fuss, bitch, or bleed and drool
This thing will not be over soon
I won't stop until it's done and the gavel falls on you.

A Frayed Knot

When it comes to struggles, I'm a copywriter. If Destiny was honest, I'd copyright her.
But there are some things in life I just can't avoid, like these dreams of memories that implant a void.
I may be broken but I'm passionate. I'm not at your level. I'm passing it.
You say you understand, but I'm afraid not. You say you're so torn. Well, I'm a frayed knot.