When Words Are Not Enough

When people push you, you push back harder. If they can't seem to understand you and words become pointless, act in honor of instinctual emotions, regardless of the emotions of others. Never sacrifice the one absolute in your life--your heart.

The Unavowed

My dreams tend to fade away before I have the chance to chase them, burning into oblivion like the stars of ancient times. I just can’t…

”Look at me when I talk to you!”
Daydreaming again
Apparently, my imagination is destroying the powder puff world created for me by those who “love” me.

“Are you paying attention to what I’m saying"
Here we go, some more advice from another avid Seanist. Go on pull the wool and dump the sugar. Coat everything in the sweet denial that you learned to love.

“You should do this. You should do that.” Translation: You should sell your passion for convenience and never look back.
I’d rather turn to ash with a genuine smile than live a lie forever.
Face the facts you fear. I am not like you. I mourn for those who are.
For those who settle and fall in line, and the ones who die dissatisfied.
Everyone who conforms to the ways of sacrificial masochists; you get what you deserve.
But I can never tell you exactly how I feel.
You will judge and criticize. You will bitch about your life. You will tell me that your way is so much better than mine. When compared to your pain, my worries are unwarranted. I should just be thankful I have it so good.
Well, I say fuck what you believe and the fallacies you stand for.

“But Sean, don’t you want happiness? Don’t you want nice things?”
And sacrifice my heart? My spine? My voice and my soul?
Never.
I refuse to give up all the things that make me, me, that make me true. Every fucking piece of me that makes me different from you.

“All I want is to see you happy.”
In other words, come into the empty darkness where life is without purpose; where desolate hearts go to die and everyone is as hollow as the values they cherish. Come into a world where true emotions remain hidden behind plastic smiles and peace is but a pill away.
Fabricate your own destiny. I will suffer through mine.
Let me live a life where pain is frequent and tears burn like lit matches to my cheek.
Give me all the reality. Don’t mitigate my struggles.
My breath here is for but a moment. I refuse to stifle it.

“But Sean…”
…

“Sean.”
…

“Sean!”
…
Daydreaming again

Peaceful Chaos

Snow drifts along the street and blankets the world in innocence.
If only for a moment; just a second’s worth of purity.
No footprints or tire tracks. No disruptions or distractions,
Only the tiny particles of peace falling gracefully to the ground.
What I would give to behold this dream for longer than a breath.
To taste the freedoms of life long enough to cherish.
Absorbing every priceless sound of absolute nothingness.
I can almost smell the possibilities as they tickle my nose with serenity.
But it all goes away so fast…

A horn screams in my face as a car drives by in haste.
The peace has been replaced with discomfort and disgrace.
Back to the rush of reality as daydreams die in tragedies.
Quick, take these moments of harmony and carve them into memories.
Before they evanesce…
Before there’s nothing left…
Before the filth of the world makes them something less.

Normality returns; back to chaos, back to stress.
Back to the smells of dirty streets lingering like regrets.
But at least I have my memories to escape now and again.
To make believe the world has more to offer than just distress.
Where all the answers fall in place and everything makes sense.
A world inside my head.
A shelter from catastrophe.
Protection from disaster when the truth becomes too staggering.
Though it’s only temporary, the relief feels like forever.
Reminders of a simple time, when everything seemed better.
Melted moment memories like snow, smiles, and history.
Fading into the background of all these battered streets.

So I wait again for silence and return to my routine.
Fall in line with the drones and hope to remain unseen.
The snow will fall again and tear me from my woes.
Or maybe the rain will come a wash away the throes.
Another moment will come.
Another opportunity presented.
I never know when or where,
But it’s always perfectly unexpected.