Everything Fades

Maybe I should look at things a different way
Accept the little pains as an influence to change
Leave these wounds behind and carry on
Into the secure shadows of world rearranged.
Capture all these dreams by letting them go
Erasing all the seams by stitching the holes
Insignificant voids stretching on and on
Nihilistic righteousness and nothing to show.
Whatever days may come to pass
Opportunities to sing and laugh
Never remember what should be gone
Dissever all tears from a happy past
Enough moments there to pick and choose
Replace the blood with nights on the moon
Leave all the wishes for the stars
Allow your life to finally come true
Nothing real will go on forever, not even the pain
Destroy the dreams you mold together before reality fades.

Black Mirrors

Excuse me while I fall apart
     so you can say "I told you so"
          Well I don't need you anyway
               so you can fucking go.

Like every misguided step I take,
     my faith in you was always fake.
          My heart is now a bloodless stone.
               I'm better off alone.

I love when you lie and say you care
     but when tears fall, you disappear.
          You sat back just to watch me lose.
                I'm better off without you.

Excuse me while I break away
     so you can stay and preach.
          Well I don't need a saint right now,
                so you can fucking leave.

Like every hero's enemy
     Villains are just like family.
          My trusting back is full of knives.
                I'm better off on my own this time.

I'll paint the mirrors black in here
     to see myself without you there.
          You added to my suffering.
                I'm better off with nothing.

Hopes, Dreams, and Spiders

What wonderful webs we weave, my sweet.
As I, the victim of a heart's defeat,
dangle here upon your strings
waiting for you to capture me.
I have come to be your claim
and surrender to my dreams.

But how wicked the world shall turn and spin.
As I succumb to this warmth within,
I invoke the spirit of woeful winds,
"Pry me not from love again.
Cast me aside, but not tonight.
No, not as love begins."

What is this love thing anyway?
To wager our lives on a twist of fate
as time pursues my heart's decay?
But, I would have it no other way.
Though I suffer, I still believe
it is definitely worth the pain.

I long to make this reality.
A boy, a girl, and a heart that beats.
I love the way I struggle to breathe
because you steal the breath right out of me.
You imprison me and I love it here.
What wonderful webs we weave indeed.

Exiled to Paradise, Part Two

With a pen in my hand, heart on my sleeve,
Not just a man, a vigilante.
Not just a boy, a mercenary.
A monster that waits for his chance to feed.
Stalking my prey with tools of the trade,
a pen that carves my words like a blade
the ink that burns through all of my veins
and pages that resemble dark, empty graves.

Fill 'em all Sean. Make them believe.
Don't let anyone say you can't succeed.
With these words, you MAKE them see.
You make the whole world come to its knees.
Find your paradise within the disaster.
Beautiful tragedies. Fists through the plaster.
Fists through the windows. Fists through the past.
Fuck all the faces that fade away too fast.

I bled long enough, not a whimper was heard.
Put on this earth to shut up and learn.
Shut up and serve. Shut up since birth.
Shut the fuck up,
you just ain't worth it.
You just ain't worth shit!
So I stayed quiet and took all the pain
Let it boil inside without a complaint.
I used to believe in taking the blame
But now it's time to break my restraints.
Judge me now as you will be judged by me.
Every little secret you ever told me,
every tiny moment lost to history,
was carved in the walls of my memory.
Welcome to the hell of my confessions.
No mitigations and no corrections.
No more sugar coats, only the lessons.
No one is safe from their own reflections.
I'll write the stories you're afraid to read.
I shut the fuck up, but I learned to scream
through pages and pages of pure honesty.
Wake the fuck up, it's your turn to bleed.
Now YOU are the victims. You are the targets.
My pen is my weapon. Watch how I carve this...

Exiled to Paradise, Part One

This is for all those who cast judgment, I love it.
It gives me the guts to cry out and say fuck it.
Imagine if I was just another target,
sitting and waiting for just another hard hit
to my pride deep inside, just take it in stride.
I'll be fine tomorrow, for tonight I'll just cry.
Imagine I grinned and kept my mouth shut.
Held everything in and bottled it up.
Imagine if I just knew how to act
Like everything's fine, but waiting to snap.
But, that will never happen to me.
I speak up and out if I don't agree.
I can't wear a mask of conformity
for the sake of being like everybody.
I don't care enough to believe in your scripts.
Follow the guidelines or you will be missed.
Better ostracize me like an unfaithful witch.
Because the way that I think is sacrilegious
to you and all of your fake practices.
I don't care if I'm gone or if I'm missed.
In your world of characters I don't even exist.

Through the Fire

I'd chase down a hurricane to make you happy once again.

I'd walk right through a hall of flames if you were there on the other end.

Dance barefoot in the snow with you just to prove I was a friend.

And endure the pain for both of us just to hold you once again.

I would fix all your wounds. But, my hands are not enough.

All I can do is wipe your tears and believe in our love.

As tragic as this is, it's beautiful to me.

Feels like dying sometimes, but there's nowhere I'd rather be.

These walls are ruthless prison bars when you are not around.

Without you, my world resembles a quiet, empty playground.

I'd burn my dreams to ashes and crush my goals to dust.

If it meant that I'd be next to you until the death of us.

Through fire, through pain, through everything I can't change.

I'll find a way to be the one, another soul to be claimed.

Another heart to beat, another way to be.

Another life to chase, 

but next to you is the only place I will ever feel like me.

The Guillotine

When her tears hit the ground, they left cracks on the street.
I cringed at the sound as they fell from her cheek.
And as the night grew darker, baby, so did we.

It was the crash of our faith beneath the listening trees.
The hole in my heart echoes words back to me.
So when you say that you're done, I hear it for eternity.

As the stars jump from the sky to my feet,
my world is not just flipped, it remains incomplete.
And I guess you'll never know what that means.

In the blink of an eye, you turn nightmares to dreams.
Even though we fight, you kill the questions in me.
Because your smile is always my guillotine.

If I'm wrong about this, just let falsities lie.
Let me live through this, hopeless and blind.
I'd rather fight with you than to hear your good-bye.

Smile at me, it's all that I ask.
No matter how painful, the knives in our back.
If you can't see my heart in this light, just paint it black.

I watched our lives come too close to let it all go.
I watched myself like a ghost and turned dreams into goals.
It was you and your smile, I thought that you should know.

That Night on the Swings.

Carry on through the moonlight, believe me doll, this is too right.
Take these knives and bloody holes, stitch me up or let me go.
That night on the swings with me, jot this down in history,
Say the words or sing to me, just keep killing this misery.
It's almost gone, don't stop now. Laugh again to burn it down.
This old brain with this old heart. Tune me up for you.
Throw away the tattered parts and assume I'm something new.
I'm a sad song on a beautiful day. A song you can't remember.
Let's swing away til it all comes back or stay clueless here forever.
I never wanted anything but to be a part of something.
If I ever wanted anything, it was more than good for nothing.
And you've become my everything, watch my wants turn into needs.
Because I need you more than anything and I no longer want to bleed.
I want to see your eyes floating like ghosts in the streetlight.
I want to see you fly, hoping I say every word just right.
Beneath the deadly skies, where it all goes to fade.
Unforgotten memories, upon these swings, we've made.
Deliver all your healing blows to the center of my day.
Kill the sun for the ways he has lied right to my face.
Remind me everyday that it's never what it seems.
But, in fact, it's exactly the way it ought to be.
Just like the way the moon seems to know everything,
Look at me and remind me about that night on the swings.
Don't open your mouth to try and say a word.
One breath, one smile, one kiss, one heart put on reserve.
Waiting in the shadows, formerly unavowed,
within the depths of everything a soul can't do without.
I open up my reservoir and pour everything out.
You cracked the surface, it's time to swim or drown.
The dirt beneath our feet, like dusty memories.
The flowers by the street, like lonely tragedies.
Make this night the final one we ever question what we've done.
Take my life, tie me to you, before we both come undone.
Swing away with me until the world gets sick of us.
And then take me back for some more, because I'll never get enough.

Compelling Cristina

She cries like she knows the story,
black and white without the glory.
She never knew me then,
there's nothing I can mend.
To open the wounds long since healed
History carries dead appeal.
What else can I show?
That I'm not the man she knows?
We are different.

My faults have come to dissipate,
still my flaws will hinder fate.
You can't fix a scar.
I've come so very far.
You say that we'd be together
even if we weep forever.
What else could I ask?
That you consider my past?
We are different.


Black memories and faded tears,
rearranging broken years.
But, now I see your face,
and everything has changed.
Turn me into something greater,
someone you could cherish later.
I am in love,
I just hope that it's enough.

I wish I was more like you,
so secure in my own views.
All my fears impede,
I hope I'm what you need.
I'm trusting you to deliver me,
forget my past and consider me.
Make me see the truth.
Take me into you.
Readjust the broken lens,
fix the painful panes again,
in the windows to my soul,
reflecting someone whole.
No longer different.
So, I can trust again.
I'll be your innocent.
I'll be just like you.

Even my buckle doesn't give a shit.

Untitled

Don't lie to me my dear. I know what you fear.
The silver lining here is always insincere.

Don't cry to me sister. Your tears will leave a blister.
Apologies were drawn the very day I kissed her.

Offer up your heart. And I'll soften up your scars.
Reflecting every part as you come apart.

You will never find peace here, sister dear.
Look away in fear or stay and disappear.

My pen is my weapon. It's micro level change, but I can write my own identity, history, and humanity.
- Amy Washburn

Malice the Clown: Painted Tears Dry Fast

The crowd clears out on by one,
 through the doors and on with their life.
Some cradle their sleeping children
as they disappear into the night.
Others walk away without saying a word
as if too proud to say good-bye.
It may have been a joy to watch,
but this is still my life.

I remember when this all began.
You weren't afraid to fill these seats.
I even carried some of you home
on the nights you were too drunk to see.
All of those times I made you laugh,
and now you turn your back on me.
You judge me, you judge yourself.
You're all clowns just like me.

And you, the one with my son in your arms,
how do you walk with your chin so high?
You watched my curtain come crashing down.
Hope you're fucking satisfied.
Keep your undeserved sense of accomplishment.
Your perfection is now compromised.
Add a red nose to those painted tears
and complete that ugly disguise.

And all of you jokers sneaking out the back,
why are you leaving so soon?
You loved the make-up I wore for you.
I guess family was just your costume.
Where were you when I was crying loud
on the verge of my disaster.
I had to pick myself up off the ground
and drown my own tears in laughter.

Just a performer, centerstage.
A clown's tears never reflect the light.
A lonely mother remains through the pain
as her son cries in the spotlight.
So, I stand, finally take a bow.
I want to thank you all for coming.
I love you Mom. You never left.
The rest of you bitches, start running.

I Am Resilience

So, what makes this life worth living? I've asked myself that question a thousand times. Is it the memories we keep locked away from the greasy eyes of enemies? Is it the way we affect the lives of the people around us? Maybe it's the scars we leave on the world before we go. Who knows for sure? I can only express my views on the topic. If you relate, fine. If not, that's fine too. I really couldn't care less.

Many hardships in my life lead me to believe that my time on this planet was worthless--a mockery of existence, an insult to the myth of progress. I couldn't maintain hope or accept the possibility of change. One of my favorite lyrical quotes by Marilyn Manson is "I was born into this. Everything turns to shit." I lived that perception until everything really turned to shit. My reckless outlook and heartless behaviors resulted in catastrophe. But, I believe that you get exactly what you deserve. I deserved to have everything precious in my life taken away. It gave me the opportunity to see WTF I was doing. Since I spent more time focusing on the voids in my life rather than the full components, I was left with just that--a void.

However, these aforementioned sufferings were my path to realization. My heart stood up on its point again rather than inverted like a spade. I dug my way out of self-destruction with the bloody hands of a changing man. After my life was ripped from my grasp, I wanted it back. Naturally. But, in my darkest hours, I knew my return to "normality" would not be temporary. I refused to try to change. I just changed. I didn't try to be better. I already was. Some people, like myself, seem to forget who is in charge of fate. It is not by chance, it is not by cosmic alignment, it is you. You are in charge of your place in this world. Only you can change your life. Sure shit happens, but you deal with it, move on, and learn from it.

Why is my life worth living? I don't have just one answer because there is a million. But, I'll give a few:
The sun helps me realize what it means to love freedom. When I say the words "I love you" and mean it, nothing compares to that heat in my chest and that chill down my legs. My son's smile. My family's pride. And finally, for now, the knowledge that I can change the world with the stroke of a pen and the beat in my heart. I am potential. I am resilience. I am hope. I am dreams. I am Dad. I am son. I am love. I am everything I need to be. And, I am the only one to make my destiny real. The only way I came to take this inventory of myself was through an honest mirror and a shitload of reflecting tears.

I leave my advice in the form of a quote. "Live as if you were to die tomorrow and kiss everyone you love today. But, learn as if you were to live forever, and remember your mistakes." Sean Williams

Reason Enough

As it all collapses, as it all turns to dust,
I find my place among the rubble of everything that was.
And in these silent moments, I still believe in us.

The world could break away under my feet
and float away in million pieces into space forever.
I'd still find the beauty in enjoying the end together.

I don't care if the stars burned out before my eyes,
and returned every wish I ever made.
As long as you were there with me just to watch them fade.

If my heart stops, if my veins forget to bleed,
and my breath becomes a burden to breathe,
Just know that you were always reason enough for me.

I never needed anything more than the passion of our dreams.
I never wanted proof that this was always meant to be.
You succeeded in your attempt to change the world for me.
All I ever needed was you, and that's reason enough for me.