4 am nonsense.

Okay people, nothing to see here--just a backyard full of body bags.
Just take the lesson with you when you leave and forget what you saw
Walk away with the fear of a thousand victims who crossed my path before
And remember that the fuckin pen is stronger than the sword.
Plush stuffed bunnies and chocolate dreams turn these rooms to morgues
Follow your soul down to the other side and end up in the drawer
Fake as another rose on a grave, we sleep with the lies we love
Settle in kiddies, the show will begin when your eyes have had enough.
Scissors and razors blades, saws and needles, welcome home my friends
These are my favorite songs to sing but I'll pause to get my revenge.
The song plays for me in a somber room, away from all I need.
From the bodies that lay to the mistakes I have made, the differences are few.
But I'm still breathing motherfuckers, which more than I can say for you.
Ashes to ashes like acid to plastic, those memories of you will also fade.
Like a firefighter on the picket line, I'll do nothing while you burn to be saved.
Cleavers of reasons cutting deep into the flesh of the immovable statues.
The stubborn will fall like the house they honor as the guilt swallows up their virtues.

Sometimer Anthem

In my opinion, and that's all that really matters, people suck. Here's how I know. Cue up some slipknot and read. I've come to notice that people say careless things when everything is fine and dandy. Happiness breeds lies. But, they don't start out as lies. They are genuine statements made in the euphoric heat of comfort. They turn into lies when the person stating them realizes how much bullshit they just shoveled out their mouth and they bail before the smell makes them sick. Just because things are going fine for the moment, don't commit to an emotion haphazardly because it feels right. And when I say people suck, I mean myself as well. I do the same shit. So this is advice for myself too. It just seems more productive to write it down.

Here's an example. When you're out drinking, partying, or just having a sober good time, don't let your joy affect your decision making. The outcome can devastate a relationship in seconds. So all of you sometimers out there making lifelong friendships over 3 shots of Jager and a long talk about your failing sex life, knock it the fuck off. We have enough fake ass people in power. We don't need any more stinking up the lower tier of society. And now for some quick poetry...just because I feel like it.

For all my enemies, I'm predicting a scar.
Fuck all your feelings like a dick in the heart.
When the tears start flowing like dreams in a well.
And your life's just a stain with a lingering smell.
You'll learn tomorrow, you'll learn.
Wake up and feel what I'm talking about.
Or just learn to deal with a gag in your mouth.
The world is a blindfold, better stumble along.
A tragedy so cold, whether you're right or wrong.
I'm a nation of emotions, driven by mutiny,
suffocation and commotion, and not secrecy.
Better learn quick. If not you'll burn quick.
You'll never stop me. Try me and see.
Don't question my intentions, I'm not society.
Either you're on my side or you're on their team.
But I won't stop to pick you up if you fall from my league.
I don't pretend at all when it comes to this.
Better take notes and learn that shit quick.

Damn, where was I? Oh yeah. Fuck people. Fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, and fuck me. Everyone can get it. I don't judge...naaaa I'm lying. I judge everyone who judges me. It's not my fault. It's the way it is. Don't hate me. Matter of fact, hate me. I fuckin love it. If haters are around, I must be doing something right.
Bye, My lovelies. hahahahaha

Song

You
    can play nice.
You
    can think twice.
But you
    will never know me, no matter how hard you try.
You
     are nothing now
You
     just never were
Anything
     I ever wanted, but you were unconcerned.

And it's over because it never really started.
I said it's over before you make your mark.
Oh well it's over. It's over.

I
     was no good
I
     wish I could
But I
     never knew you, and even if I should
I
     am nothing now
No I,
      I never was
Everything
     I ever wanted, I destroyed. I fucking destroyed!

And it's over because it never really started.
I said it's over before you make your mark.
Oh well it's over. It's over.
You won't leave me broken hearted.
You can't break what you can't see.
Oh well it's over. It's over.
It's all over for me.

The Wrench

Cardiovascular mechanism
Psychogenic algorithm
I can't solve this all alone. I need you here with me.
My hypersensitivity to your idiosyncrasies
warms my blood like arteries and you move my heart like clockwork.

You and I are mechanical,
psychosomatic animals.
I can't function on my own. It hurts to think without you.
I'm a hypochondriac, a heart of a hemophiliac
hemorrhaging to get you back so you can fix me once again.

Pulmonary screws are loose
Psychosocial attitude
Every time I think I'm nuts, you're the wrench I use.
Make adjustments to my soul. I'm just flesh over blood and bone.
But this obsolescent heart I own, still ticks for you somehow.

On Failure

         From a conversation about failure... Listen. Because of everything I've witnessed, felt, struggled through, or cried over, anything that resembles failure in the future will be taken as experience rather than a loss. I am realistic about the possibility of failure. I am just no longer open to the suggestion. You do make a lot of sense and I believe you are right, just in regard to others in general. I am way too adamant in my belief to accept the inevitability of failure. Call me stubborn, clueless, and unrealistic, but if that's what drives me to succeed, my unyielding attitude is nothing but productive. Besides, you are too deep of a person to advocate such an absolute theory. You are elaborating on the "Hope for the best but expect the worst" motto. Currently, and fortunately, I don't acknowledge the worst anymore. The worst is over with. The worst was dealing with the consequences of my stupid actions. The worst was watching my mother and son cry to me through a glass partition. The worst was missing my father's funeral because I was incarcerated. The worst was realizing that I had failed the people I love. 

          For 3 years I felt worthless, unimportant. I was an expendable component to the world, a strain on the hearts of the few people that still cared. Some people speak of rock bottom. I lived it. I was stripped of everything, my family, my "friends", my pride, my dignity, and most my sanity. But I realized very quickly that it was all MY fault. I had failed. So I came to this beautiful revelation/commitment: It will never happen again. In no way, shape, or form. I don't just address failure by category, like criminal behavior or relationships. I combine it all into a ball of detrimental ingredients to life itself, then toss it aside. I don't hope for the best and expect the worst. I expect the best. Whatever decisions I make, even with negative outcomes, will be deemed the best for me. Because I know in my damaged little heart that when I made that decision, it was with a clean conscience and a refined dedication to happiness. So, yes, I may become surprised, shocked, crushed, or even suspicious of my confidence. But, I will never believe I failed. I failed enough in this life; it no longer exists to me.

Criminal vs. Judge vs. Criminal

All the teachers are criminals
The lessons are subliminal
Hypothetically hypocritical
Methodically metaphorical
The irony is beautiful
But the mockery is pitiful
They say you're so incapable
of being an individual
They are so judgmental
with sins that are identical
to the same ones they ridicule
They overlook the literal
and focus on the probable
Supposed to be educational
Well I'm lost in the illogical
Psychotically impratical
Feed us lies until we're full
Against the walls we back into
Smiling like a plastic fool
As honest hearts will crack in two
So shall pain come back at you
and paint your life so black and blue
Trust is dead and faith is bruised
They dig apart the flaws in you
with pointed fingers as their tools
We are the broken and abused
They don't teach us how to choose
They learn us how to lose
Then burn us with the news
that the world is just a noose
with a knot you can't get loose
It will be all over soon
Wear a mask and call it truth
Just don't practice being you
Like a class inside a school
we're conforming to the rules
Diving into empty pools
headfirst without the proof
Like a word without a use
Just a robot with no screws
We are mindless and diffused
If we find out we've been used
they just find a new excuse
Blame the parents that abuse
or the drugs that they produce
Say our hearts are underused
and we'll never make it through
but we are taught to reproduce
Never fought for what we lose
Honest thoughts are running loose
But they just stifle and refuse
another rifle aimed at you
another cycle of the truth
another lie and we're seduced
another smile to amuse.
It's been a while since we knew.
We no longer have the clues
We just take in all their truths
and call it important news
We've lost our spark and fuse
and our individual views
Well I can't bow to you
Not as long as I am true
Because I am more than you
and the lies you try to prove
I'll regain forgotten rules
and reclaim and introduce
a new famous point of view
and just blame it all on you
I can name myself a fool
I'm insane and I got proof
My heart has been removed
by the world and how it moves
and the blades that I withdrew
Now my back is bleeding through
So I'm back misleading you
like a judge receiving proof
from the evidence and the clues
exhibit A was introduced
then the jury looked at you
But I don't judge, I commit to the truth
I won't budge, twitch, or even move
You can fuss, bitch, or bleed and drool
This thing will not be over soon
I won't stop until it's done and the gavel falls on you.

A Frayed Knot

When it comes to struggles, I'm a copywriter. If Destiny was honest, I'd copyright her.
But there are some things in life I just can't avoid, like these dreams of memories that implant a void.
I may be broken but I'm passionate. I'm not at your level. I'm passing it.
You say you understand, but I'm afraid not. You say you're so torn. Well, I'm a frayed knot.

Eulogies for the Damned

Another destiny cracks, breaks away like death in the night.
Slipping through the cracks, shadows of the sights.

a comfortable way to live, a silent way to die.

Beneath the moon, embracing stars, without the cries of a falling heart.
We all go silently.
We leave it all behind, like children at a grave.
Crucified by the memories of the dust of yesterday.
just be simple for me, cut me deep but gently.
Under fleeting suns, counting back from one, with no where to go but down.
Ignore these possible dreams, distractions from the truth.
Support your mediocrity, just abstractions of abuse.

brighten up the day with shades of black and gray.

Haunt me like a candle, burning ghosts like eulogies for the damned.
Sleep now in the flame. Say a prayer for the glamour.
The reaper sports a blade, but the devil swings a hammer.
So here's to the cuts and the crush all have come to dread.
Sobering like the sunlight and blinding like the soul.
Keep your dreams locked away to pay the boatman's toll.
What drives us in life will haunt us in death.
That which keeps us smiling wide births tears we'll never cry.

sacrifice nothing for the sake of the tomorrow.

We shall dream of passion, the fervor of living.
Dreams of shallow entities that deepen our suffering.
But who's to say no? Who's to say stop?
Some of us are trapped. Dreams are all we got.
I can't love myself the same if all I have is reality.
I'd fall apart, collapsing like a tower of incongruent components.

living like a suicide gone wrong.

Waiting for my song, a slow dance with fate, another chance to redeem.
I can't run away from the things that make me dream.
Take me in the heat of battle, or steal from my happiness.

slow like the world without a guillotine on which to rest our necks.

Fire up the pyre. Retire all desires.
Close my eyes to the perfection of my final breath.

But not yet, not ready for the end.
I still have so much to learn, so much to dream and chase.
I need the skies to bow for me, firmaments of obedience.
Just one genuine smile. One ounce of pride, pure and golden.
A drop of satisfaction before this ride is over.

drink up the bitterness today to spit up the sweetness tomorrow.

I will have my day of absolution, my day of retribution.
Trade my heart for the world, if the world was worth my time.
But it will never be. It's just me, breath, and memories.
And as I fight for my chance to breathe, so shall I dream.
so shall I be free.

The Book of Scars

I only care for a few. I will spare just a few.
And when all the truth comes out, you will know if it's you.
I won't pretend to sum it up. You won't win and shut me up.
I won't act like I'm hurting now because I don't give a fuck.
I put the writing on the wall. To watch you bleed until you fall.
To suffocate the hypocrite that you've been hiding all along.
Trust me like a noose because there is no breaking loose.
These fucking scars that you see have been carved just for you.

I'm sorry will never cut it.
Please forgive me is not enough.
Until you match the pain I felt, consider yourself fucked.
I am ruthless like a blade.
No heart, just cold and true.
I won't stop until your world just turns its back on you.

I am no longer a slave. But I am filled with this hate.
My Dad would be rolling over if he was in a fucking grave.
But he's not in the ground. He's over my shoulder and proud.
He says show these motherfuckers who they're fucking with now.
So I listen to his ghost like a whisper in the cold.
Watch you blister like a rose until the truth condemns your soul.
I never wanted all this. I just wanted to be missed.
But I found out the hard way that people just equal piss.
So I'm calling you out. You faggot ass clowns.
You know who you are, or at least you will know now.
Don't be surprised when your lies come into the light.
And don't think I care if you cry or you're willing to fight.

I'm sorry will never cut it.
Please forgive me is not enough.
Until you match the pain I felt, consider yourself fucked.
I am ruthless like a blade.
No heart, just cold and true.
I won't stop until your world just turns its back on you

I'm outta prison with intent to capture my revenge.
You can try to prevent it but I'll have it in the end.
I swear by the sun and the stars in my eyes.
I don't need luck anymore. I don't even have to try.
I am fulfilling my wishes by doing it myself.
Fuck all you sellouts now. I don't need your fucking help.
But I can promise you this as your world turns to shit.
I won't be there to help or offer my condolence.
I'll show you the world that you have shown me.
Where everyone you trust turns out just as fake as can be.
But don't take it from me. Trust me you'll see.
When your heart goes to pieces and you start bleeding like me.
Trust me you'll see. Or don't trust me at all.
But the words are the proof that is written on the wall.

The Rise of the Fall

Clawing at the surface. Tracing truth in shades of red. Cut me away. Cut me away from all of this.
Whispers burn like fairy tales and torch these paper walls. To the ashes we go, my sweet. To the ashes of it all.
I can't believe in anyone else but me. But if you fall in place, if you fall in line coincidentally,
tell me something real. Don't condescend or comprehend for the sake of my heart. Feel what you feel.
Feel the ink as it stains the page with the opportunity to last forever. I'm scratching at the words. But I just make it worse. I just make it hard to read, gets hard to see. It's everything and everyone that makes me question me.
Am I really this vain and insecure? Am I this worthless or am I something more? Am I really falling or just new to the rise? Am I as honest as I say I am or do I believe my own lies?
Not falling for a valiant effort. Not settling for my very best. Like these heroes without a song, I'm secretly unsatisfied. I am a tragic contradiction to all that I believe. I'm everything I hate. I'm everyone I need.
I don't want this to be another fallacy or another shattered dream. I want truth, pure and painful.
Show it all to me.
And when I say come cut me down, grab your rusty sword. Sharpen it with my own words and carve away.
I am unstable in the light of possibility. I say these things with conviction. But I'm still just a boy.
A man without an angel. A grave without a ghost. A heart without a reason to call this world a home.
I need more than confidence. I need more than efficacy. I need more than these unflinching strengths that I swear I have in me.
But I'm not immune to the wickedness that pools inside my stomach. These rotten aspirations to fail and think nothing of it.
I really want to dream. I really want the best. But I've been down so long, so very long. I'm afraid of changing.
What lies ahead of the lies right now?
This book of wonder I write in blood has tragedies in spades. The only thing to trump my truths is the following empty page.
What will I become if this passion becomes will? And if I know I'm willing, will I fabricate the kill?
Will I write my own disaster like a glorified suicide for all my reachable dreams?
Or will I take a breath?
Do I deserve it?
I have no idols. No role models. No one to set an example.
Because if and when I do succeed, the credit is mine to keep.
Bits and pieces of the innocent will be remembered for their time. A time to crush the evil ways of a man condemned to try.
Spellbound and reckless, this realization takes flight. Burn up everything meaningless in a ruthless wake of fire.
I don't know what will happen. But I do know what could.
I may very well decimate my own imagination. But then again, what would become of the cynic without a mind? I would be no good.
So here's to the rise and the fall and the rise of the fall. I will drink this life like a plague. Hold my breath and swallow it down like the poison of heartache.
I will conquer all my doubts by doubting every question. I will follow the trail of bodies back to point I lost my mind. Then I will smile with intensity, and realize, I've been right this whole time.
People get what they deserve, and so shall I.