Dead End Armageddon

Unorthodox apocalypse. Dead end Armageddon.
No one wants to contradict and let the future set in.
Who will be your friend then? How will you pretend then?
When the days are lost to memories, the past will never end.
Don't apologize for anything as these nights burn out.
If you can't pick out the lies, then you better learn how.
Time is wasting away beneath our dirty palms and minds.
Life is just a waltz around a field of bombs and mines.
These concubines, useless relationships, I hate this shit.
Friends are only around to help you celebrate your bliss.
Never commiserating shit. So quick to flee with the pain life brings.
It's fucking disgusting. And it's too late to discuss things.
Once you step off my plane of existence expect future resistance
My ego is persistent and my cold shoulder's vindictive.
You can fall away forever until you break your neck on your reflection.
Visualize the lies you used to compromise. Synaptic recollection.
Unadaptive obsessions end in disaster and regression.
Captivating catastrophes highlight the truth like a lesson.
The ink is fresh on the page but it will forever stain
I didn't learn from you, I learned from the pain.
I learned to flush the garbage from my heart's drain.
This denial was beautiful before it was an issue.
But I lost myself in trust with the idea that I'd miss you.
This world has a way to take away what is fake.
Painstaking and breathtaking, left my mind wide awake.
Once a blind mistake, now a moment to take
A moment to make a choice to make a change.
To save myself and sell you out like you did to me
This war was your idea. I just want the victory.
So yea maybe these memories are contradictory.
Maybe I am just a bitter fuck bent on causing misery.
But I don't give a fuck. My smile has never been this wide.
This life and these pricks gave me my sense of pride.
Because no matter how many nights I've spent dying alone.
I made it through without you. I did it on my own.
So thank you for showing me all my priorities.
Thank you for the key to living without falsities.
I will never make a promise that I don't plan to keep.
I will never take a moment if I don't plan to dream.
I will never be you. I'll always question what I see.
So here's to the fake and the real me you set free.

Crash the Market

We can educate the young. We can devour the weak.
We can medicate the dumb with our power to speak.
We are in charge of the world. We are the only dreamers left.
We will fight for our hearts to the moments of our death.
Until our breath breaks apart from the lungs in our chest.
And they pile up our parts in the ground like the rest.
No longer forgotten like the rotten and the ignorant.
They will remember my name but not for its innocence.
I will live my life making marks on society.
Eroding and corroding the ways they fuckin lied to me.
But I'm no hero, just a monster with a motive.
I'm no man; I'm just boy who exploded.
Let's take a second to realize. Nah, don't waste a moment.
Just look at life through real eyes and realize that you own it.
Propaganda prophecies with the power to influence.
These media mockeries screamin Nike- just do it.
Just ruin. Just shut up and go through it.
Close your fuckin mouth now if you aint gonna use it.
They try to tell us that our thoughts are no longer pursuant
To their cause and their fight so now we're incongruent
To their laws and their rights so thinkers are the enemy.
We must maintain an image and sell our identity.
Our minds are marketable like statistics and prisons.
Cage away imagination with no choice but to listen.
But a voice is my mission and I choose to disrespect
any motherfucker who's brave enough to attempt
an attack on my right to speak my mind free and clear.
Anyone disagree? I'll be standin right here.

Bleeding Through

When all the hearts are suicide kings and the stage is filled with wild eyed dreams, never turn around for me. Don't stop, just keep it movin, full throttle into the night. 

After all, I'm stronger than I was, just a memory in the wreckage, hiding in the dust. Don't try to save me anymore. Fire till the end of it all, these burning hearts will fly.

I say it now and clear as day, I love these moments that fade away.

Take me down and fear the way I never wanna change.

Caught off guard by the taste of truth and a little distracted by thoughts of you, I'll never sacrifice these days. Never fill your hollow. Never break the chain.

Harder now into the faces of doubt, we fall for the causes we used live without. I can't pretend to feel certain. Never lie about the curtain. It's crashing down on us all.

When it goes or if it stays, I'll love the faces you will make.

Another blow, another blaze. We will burn forever this way.

Come on love, this is not a game. But if it is, I'll stay to play.

Another ghost of yesterday. I will haunt your heart with all the words you never wanted to say.

For all those kisses that became our scars and all those stitches sealing up our hearts, we can go on like this forever. I will bleed through my chest until this ends.

...or until you fail to steal my breath, which will never ever happen.

Just another Saturday night...

On the Sidewalks

Open my eyes; cut the stitches of consequence

Not just another camouflage for contemporary coincidence.

Take my heart for what it’s worth; just pennies on a dollar.

Hear my voice from empty walls and ignore the silent hollers.

Evacuate your heart and empathize with the broken.

Soft spoken solitude unfortunately left unspoken.

I am the ghost; I am the darkness; I am the shadows on the sidewalk.

Deny your sympathy to protect the path your pride walks.

Embrace your falsities, your facades and fabrications.

Wonder in the atrocity of limitless limitations.

Accept me to except me, but don’t expect me to be accepting.

Like the wicked tribulations that teach you to repress things.

Knights of Nosferatu, we are the city slicker martyrs.

Suck the last drops of our innocence; make these sidewalks even darker.

Halloween

Awake in the Wake

You can strike me down. You can judge me as a martyr.
But you will see before it's over.
I am not your easy choice, your crying criminal target.
I am more than you ever were.

Take a look in my eyes and drown in your reflection.
The destruction of your ways.
I will find a way. I always find a way.
To destroy the person you are.

I have suffered through it all. I think I'll share the wealth.
Enjoy the pain I will bestow on you.
I've seen the bloody walls with all their stories to tell.
My next character is you.

I've carved out my life, sharpest pens and dullest blades.
Wounds heal but scars remain afraid.
I will stain your future, in time as you impeded mine,
Awake in the wake of the wake for you faith.
...this will all be over before you know it.

I don't cry to be noticed. I don't fuss to feel.
I just make my purposes known.
I don't stop because it gets tough. I don't try to deal.
Never ever together forever alone.

10/10/10

Ten steps into another disaster.
Ten smiles that fade away faster.
Ten pieces of a heart to break.
Ten more reasons to hide the pain.
Ten songs we sing in the car.
Ten tears that fall too far.
Ten nights of perfect laughter .
Ten kisses that always come after.
Ten moments of paradise.
Ten little secrets in your eyes.
Ten cravings for your touch.
Ten fingers that are never enough.
Ten glances at your lips.
Ten seconds into your kiss.
Ten ways to say good night.
Ten more if you count a fight.
Ten memories that we will make.
Ten replacements for our mistakes.
Ten fantasies inside our heads.
Ten words never left unsaid.

Ten Ten Ten

A Song for the Broken

Turn your smile over to me.
I won't share it with anyone.
Like fingerless piano keys,
I'm longing for your touch.
Strum me like guitar strings
and sing your song for us.
Open your eyes for me again.
I won't reveal your secrets.
I'm all out of breath again
and screaming for your heart.
From the top of my empty lungs
and into your open arms.
Come back before I break.
I won't recover without you.
I'm here reaching for your face
and falling for your kiss.
The first step to my disaster
was loving you like this.
Fill your voice with melodies.
I won't forget to sing.
I'm everything when you're next to me
but I'm nothing all alone.
My life is like a music box
and you're the only song I know.
Read the diary of my life.
I won't leave out a single word.
With every promise that you find,
I hope you understand.
The only time I feel alive
is when I'm in your hands.
Sing the song of forever.
I won't take it for granted.
I'm just a box of old love letters.
I'm here for the memories.
Open me up for the smiles
and unfold the world for me.
Return the fire to my eyes.
I won't give in to darkness.
But if my heart still divides
and I can't make it through,
when it comes time to say good bye,
take my breath with you.

The worst thing we can say is good bye
I don't even want to say good night.
Let the words fall off your tongue
for the beaten and the broken
and the victims we've become.
We sing our song one last time.
Pray the dance goes on forever
and the music never dies.

The Mascara Massacre

You wear a cross around your neck
but I see hell inside your smile
because hidden in the corners of your lips,
the devil waits to steal my grace.
Your eyes shine a beautiful brown
and your hair is dark as demon wings
Still I crumble to pieces in your presence
because my downfall is your face.

And I will fall again to my knees
because as evil as you are,
you're still heavenly to me.

You speak with a dark charisma
like an angel filled with malice
And you know the wickedness in your voice
just renders me free of breath.
You're a mascara massacre,
a cyanide kiss I have to taste
and now I'm lost in this twisted love
as your heart beats me to death.

Still falling, crashing to my knees
because as evil as you are,
you're still everything to me.

The Corpse of Us

While sifting through the ashes of all my dreams
just like a beating heart torn apart at the seams
I saw you drowning in all the space between
our very first kiss to our very last scream.
You burn me up with the wicked souls
just like the hands you long to hold
or the blades you stain with blood so cold
you rip out the pages of a story untold.

In the back and through the heart,
I'm bleeding out your love.
Say good bye to alibis
Your knife wears my blood.
Send a hearse for my heart
a body bag for my trust
Bury all that remains of me
Burn yourself to dust
because there's nothing left of us.
Bury me in memory
There will never be a you and me
Bury me eternally
I'm as dead to you as I'll ever be.

Hold me down with all the weight of my mistakes
Just like an angel's eyes trapt in a traitor's face
another lie is born with every breath you take
and you hide inside the cracks of all the hearts you break.
Next to you I fall asleep keeping an open eye
just like an open coffin to see you one last time.
Innocent like a doll the moments you close your eyes
but deadly like a murderer the moment you come alive.

Around the neck and through the chest
Your love is bleeding through
As I die inside your eyes
The killer in me is you.
Dig a grave for my love
Fill a coffin with my hopes
In this haunted home we built
We've become the ghosts
with empty hearts and souls.
Bury me in memory
There will never be a you and me
Bury me eternally
I'm as dead to you as I'll ever be.

In the Still of Starlight

Cryptic paragraphs she writes
Lyrics of a parasite
Hidden agenda lullabies
Folded notes of suicide,
but no one believes her.
Notebooks filled to the brim
With secrets of her suffering
Outside forever looking in
Through the glass of her own skin,
but no one ever sees her.
Endless pain she feels inside
She finds herself an exit sign
Running through the bluest lines
Mapping out her last good bye,
and no one's there to stop her.
Eyeliner black as night
The darkest heart with skin so white
She gives her body to the knife
Confessions in the moonlight,
but lifeless they will find her.
Pages of her bitterness
An open book of evidence
Through their tears, they think of this
The only chance they had but missed,
and no one will ever save her,

...but now, they finally see her.

Wasted Breath

Long before the memories of your face
were forgotten or replaced
Like the mascara tears that stain
and the open hearts you break
I took the blame
I crashed the gate
Into your life of drunken wounds
The shadow that was following you
My arms were your confessional
I fell in love with your truths
So vulnerable.
I protected you,
and I was holding on for dear life.

I guess we never know how dangerous a heart can be
Until it breaks and it's too late,
and chokes us with the memories.

We lost ourselves somewhere between
our wrinkled sheets and faded dreams
Like when you smile in your sleep
You're lying through your teeth
You wanted me to burn and bleed
to fix the glass of shattered years
Dripping like your pity tears
You hold me close but insincere
And stain my shirt with all your fears
I see it clear; there's trouble here
and I have to let go tonight.

I guess I should've know
When I started trusting you
With you lies, you compromised
All the love I felt for you.

I wasted breath on promises
to place you on that monument
A pedestal built with confidence
that cracked beneath your decadence
Your heartlessness, I suffered this
To pick you up off the ground
A pseudo princess with a crown
I'm stupid but I'm learning now
I helped you up to let me down
I'm breaking down; I hate the sound
And I have finally realized.

I guess I'll let you go
Leave you in the dust
With the fake, hearts that break
And forget what's left of us.

Mischief

Open hearts make open wounds.
Counting the seconds next to you.
Take these moments lost in time.
Organized or ostracized,
Be my doom, my gloom, my knife
Everything will be alright
Remember we are of the night.

Murder all my doubts for me
I am insecurity.
Stitch my flaws to your own
Can't be real, can't be known
Hold me in a death embrace
I need the kill, a ghostly gaze
Emanating from our mistakes, but
Finding solace inside your face, I just can't look away.

Conversations to Kisses - by Michelle Quinones

Our cars collide, sweet cyanide, the ink that intertwines. 

Chaotic impulses I shall abide, as you undress me with your eyes. 

Trace my lips with your fingertips, I'm drowning in your decadence. 

Over coffee, words, and cigarettes, comparing scars without regrets. 

Beautiful disaster, you're my perfect waste of time. 

Every second locked in a memory, 

Remedies of the mind.

Keep What You Kill

You can't see the moon behind a coffin door.
I'm lying beneath an arrangement of black roses and faded Polaroids.
Smiling at every thought of escape.
But failing to find a way out of the hole you're keeping me in.
It's dark in here; but it feels like home.
Other than the spiders crawling on my soul, I'm fine inside this hole.
[Keep what you kill]
On my back, dead as a fly.
Bury me without wings, so I'll never run away again.
[Keep what you kill]
My artificial dreams are insubstantial.
I'm filling the hole in your heart with the remains of my dead hopes.
With a sacrificial send off, I release my guardian angels.
And cut the chains and ropes.
I make bold moves in your shadow.
I fill myself with your sorrow.
But it's better than being hollow.
[Keep what you kill]
On my knees like a fallen angel.
Begging for forgiveness but never returning to heaven.
[Keep what you kill]
I'm beneath you, beneath it all for you.
I'm trapped under the life I gave to you.
Looking up underneath the moon, dying to be a part of you.
Dust and cobwebs over my ambition.
I'm lost behind pine and dirt.
My neighbors are the souls of the damned.
My memory is black.
But I remember the pain.
My blood is all over your hands.
I'm a lifeless tomb in formal wear.
Secrets hidden beneath dead air and my guilt is leaking everywhere.
[Keep what you kill]
I'm beneath you, beneath it all for you.
I'm trapped under the life I stole from you.
Looking up, underneath the moon.
Dying to be a part of you.
[Keep what you kill]
I blame it all on you.

S. C. A. R. (sliced, carved, and reminded) - inspired by "Made of Scars" by Stone Sour

This one was the first one. Got stitches in my head.Maybe that's why I'm fucked up now, cuz I was just a kid.
This one was a pot of water that spilled across my chest.
I watched it boil on my skin then pulled away the flesh.
This one was a tooth. This one was a scrape.
This one was a window and it bled for seven days.
This one was a bottle smashed across my head.
This one was a mirror time and time again.
This one was a fight, a kick that knocked out teeth.
And this is from the tooth of the bastard kicking me.
This one broke a knuckle. This one broke a nose.
This one needed staples cuz it didn't wanna close.
This one was a piercing, ripped right through my skin.
Right above my eye and blood tears stained my chin.
This one remains covered where no one else can see.
Cracks inside my heart that will always fuckin bleed.
This one's on my pride. This one's on my mind.
This one is a memory of the years I did time.
This one is fuck you to all the liars here.
This one is another choice to bleed instead of fear.
This one was a razor that helped me to forget.
These were from a fight between me and a cigarette.
This one came from plaster. This one was a defeat.
This one was my face stomped in to concrete.
This one was a win. This one was a loss.
This one was a girl's heart I should have never crossed.
This one carried stitches. This one was a burn.
This one happened yesterday because I never learn.
This one always tingles. This one is always numb.
My scars are where I've been and how broken I've become.

Masquerading Hell

Those empty quiet words masked as truth, those little gestures and that look from the other room.
Who would've thought that those eyes would see me to my doom.
A little piece of heaven here and there, like soft fingers through my hair.
I know my life masquerades as hell. I'd never thought I'd ever find you there.
You were supposed to save me from these woes.
But instead you sped me up to spiral down.
I'm swimming the drain
Falling away until
the ashes gather
like dust and age
all over me
hope is over
for me
now

Ruthless

I remember bruises on my face, clotting the blood inside my veins.
I remember stitches as they break, tiny souvenirs of yesterday.
I remember tears that fell like rain. You could never hide behind the pain.
I look back and feel my knuckles burn.
I remember now I'll never learn.

Another alternative to rage. Another fuckin window in my way.
Another reflection of my face. Another fuckin smile to hate today.
The bones breaking in my hand. You'll never understand.
I look back and see your ghostly gaze.
I remember why I ran away.

Sorry. It was nothing personal.
I'm a fucking liar; it's always personal.
It's always when you hurt me the worst.
I'll always make you cry. I'll make you burn.
I'll never be the only one that hurts.

Shed another tear and hate my face. Take another drink to medicate.
Sleep away the days I devastate. I don't think I'll ever come to change.
I pretended mirrors were your heart shattering into a million silver shards.
I look back and see why I'm so fucked.
700 years of my bad luck.

I will make you cry so I don't have to.
Ruthless enough to let you into
all my little traps and now I've got you.

Sorry. It was never personal.

Mental Medication (featuring Michelle Quinones)

All is influential.
Mostly confidential
Medication for the mental
Obscene and differential
Where's your common sense yo?
parental and consensual
Lying is essential
Hypnosis in the doses for lack of better words...
Lets hear it for the rebels
Add the bass, raise the treble
Grab your choice utensils
Lets pour our fucking hearts out and be heard..

Empty our hearts and drain our thoughts; we are the broken and the lost.
Here's to the song of all our victims, self-absorbed and so vindictive.
Fuck these souls and their prescriptions. We are the drugs for their afflictions.
We remedy the self-inflicted. Tragedies that we depicted are nothing more than contradictions.
Souvenirs are subtle fictions like suicide notes without encryptions.
Voodoo doll our enemies and set fire to the stitches.
Push the pin and drop the name. Watch it all go up in flames.
Torch the sky for all the clouds. Let's see who's fuckin happy now.
Listen up and buckle down. Knuckles up so fuck it now.
Grab a pen and write this down. Chisel it up or carve it out.
This is Mental Medication for all you clowns. This is what wonderland is all about.
Watch these hearts come pouring out and I'll be there to watch you drown.

4 am nonsense.

Okay people, nothing to see here--just a backyard full of body bags.
Just take the lesson with you when you leave and forget what you saw
Walk away with the fear of a thousand victims who crossed my path before
And remember that the fuckin pen is stronger than the sword.
Plush stuffed bunnies and chocolate dreams turn these rooms to morgues
Follow your soul down to the other side and end up in the drawer
Fake as another rose on a grave, we sleep with the lies we love
Settle in kiddies, the show will begin when your eyes have had enough.
Scissors and razors blades, saws and needles, welcome home my friends
These are my favorite songs to sing but I'll pause to get my revenge.
The song plays for me in a somber room, away from all I need.
From the bodies that lay to the mistakes I have made, the differences are few.
But I'm still breathing motherfuckers, which more than I can say for you.
Ashes to ashes like acid to plastic, those memories of you will also fade.
Like a firefighter on the picket line, I'll do nothing while you burn to be saved.
Cleavers of reasons cutting deep into the flesh of the immovable statues.
The stubborn will fall like the house they honor as the guilt swallows up their virtues.

Sometimer Anthem

In my opinion, and that's all that really matters, people suck. Here's how I know. Cue up some slipknot and read. I've come to notice that people say careless things when everything is fine and dandy. Happiness breeds lies. But, they don't start out as lies. They are genuine statements made in the euphoric heat of comfort. They turn into lies when the person stating them realizes how much bullshit they just shoveled out their mouth and they bail before the smell makes them sick. Just because things are going fine for the moment, don't commit to an emotion haphazardly because it feels right. And when I say people suck, I mean myself as well. I do the same shit. So this is advice for myself too. It just seems more productive to write it down.

Here's an example. When you're out drinking, partying, or just having a sober good time, don't let your joy affect your decision making. The outcome can devastate a relationship in seconds. So all of you sometimers out there making lifelong friendships over 3 shots of Jager and a long talk about your failing sex life, knock it the fuck off. We have enough fake ass people in power. We don't need any more stinking up the lower tier of society. And now for some quick poetry...just because I feel like it.

For all my enemies, I'm predicting a scar.
Fuck all your feelings like a dick in the heart.
When the tears start flowing like dreams in a well.
And your life's just a stain with a lingering smell.
You'll learn tomorrow, you'll learn.
Wake up and feel what I'm talking about.
Or just learn to deal with a gag in your mouth.
The world is a blindfold, better stumble along.
A tragedy so cold, whether you're right or wrong.
I'm a nation of emotions, driven by mutiny,
suffocation and commotion, and not secrecy.
Better learn quick. If not you'll burn quick.
You'll never stop me. Try me and see.
Don't question my intentions, I'm not society.
Either you're on my side or you're on their team.
But I won't stop to pick you up if you fall from my league.
I don't pretend at all when it comes to this.
Better take notes and learn that shit quick.

Damn, where was I? Oh yeah. Fuck people. Fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, and fuck me. Everyone can get it. I don't judge...naaaa I'm lying. I judge everyone who judges me. It's not my fault. It's the way it is. Don't hate me. Matter of fact, hate me. I fuckin love it. If haters are around, I must be doing something right.
Bye, My lovelies. hahahahaha

Song

You
    can play nice.
You
    can think twice.
But you
    will never know me, no matter how hard you try.
You
     are nothing now
You
     just never were
Anything
     I ever wanted, but you were unconcerned.

And it's over because it never really started.
I said it's over before you make your mark.
Oh well it's over. It's over.

I
     was no good
I
     wish I could
But I
     never knew you, and even if I should
I
     am nothing now
No I,
      I never was
Everything
     I ever wanted, I destroyed. I fucking destroyed!

And it's over because it never really started.
I said it's over before you make your mark.
Oh well it's over. It's over.
You won't leave me broken hearted.
You can't break what you can't see.
Oh well it's over. It's over.
It's all over for me.

The Wrench

Cardiovascular mechanism
Psychogenic algorithm
I can't solve this all alone. I need you here with me.
My hypersensitivity to your idiosyncrasies
warms my blood like arteries and you move my heart like clockwork.

You and I are mechanical,
psychosomatic animals.
I can't function on my own. It hurts to think without you.
I'm a hypochondriac, a heart of a hemophiliac
hemorrhaging to get you back so you can fix me once again.

Pulmonary screws are loose
Psychosocial attitude
Every time I think I'm nuts, you're the wrench I use.
Make adjustments to my soul. I'm just flesh over blood and bone.
But this obsolescent heart I own, still ticks for you somehow.

On Failure

         From a conversation about failure... Listen. Because of everything I've witnessed, felt, struggled through, or cried over, anything that resembles failure in the future will be taken as experience rather than a loss. I am realistic about the possibility of failure. I am just no longer open to the suggestion. You do make a lot of sense and I believe you are right, just in regard to others in general. I am way too adamant in my belief to accept the inevitability of failure. Call me stubborn, clueless, and unrealistic, but if that's what drives me to succeed, my unyielding attitude is nothing but productive. Besides, you are too deep of a person to advocate such an absolute theory. You are elaborating on the "Hope for the best but expect the worst" motto. Currently, and fortunately, I don't acknowledge the worst anymore. The worst is over with. The worst was dealing with the consequences of my stupid actions. The worst was watching my mother and son cry to me through a glass partition. The worst was missing my father's funeral because I was incarcerated. The worst was realizing that I had failed the people I love. 

          For 3 years I felt worthless, unimportant. I was an expendable component to the world, a strain on the hearts of the few people that still cared. Some people speak of rock bottom. I lived it. I was stripped of everything, my family, my "friends", my pride, my dignity, and most my sanity. But I realized very quickly that it was all MY fault. I had failed. So I came to this beautiful revelation/commitment: It will never happen again. In no way, shape, or form. I don't just address failure by category, like criminal behavior or relationships. I combine it all into a ball of detrimental ingredients to life itself, then toss it aside. I don't hope for the best and expect the worst. I expect the best. Whatever decisions I make, even with negative outcomes, will be deemed the best for me. Because I know in my damaged little heart that when I made that decision, it was with a clean conscience and a refined dedication to happiness. So, yes, I may become surprised, shocked, crushed, or even suspicious of my confidence. But, I will never believe I failed. I failed enough in this life; it no longer exists to me.

Criminal vs. Judge vs. Criminal

All the teachers are criminals
The lessons are subliminal
Hypothetically hypocritical
Methodically metaphorical
The irony is beautiful
But the mockery is pitiful
They say you're so incapable
of being an individual
They are so judgmental
with sins that are identical
to the same ones they ridicule
They overlook the literal
and focus on the probable
Supposed to be educational
Well I'm lost in the illogical
Psychotically impratical
Feed us lies until we're full
Against the walls we back into
Smiling like a plastic fool
As honest hearts will crack in two
So shall pain come back at you
and paint your life so black and blue
Trust is dead and faith is bruised
They dig apart the flaws in you
with pointed fingers as their tools
We are the broken and abused
They don't teach us how to choose
They learn us how to lose
Then burn us with the news
that the world is just a noose
with a knot you can't get loose
It will be all over soon
Wear a mask and call it truth
Just don't practice being you
Like a class inside a school
we're conforming to the rules
Diving into empty pools
headfirst without the proof
Like a word without a use
Just a robot with no screws
We are mindless and diffused
If we find out we've been used
they just find a new excuse
Blame the parents that abuse
or the drugs that they produce
Say our hearts are underused
and we'll never make it through
but we are taught to reproduce
Never fought for what we lose
Honest thoughts are running loose
But they just stifle and refuse
another rifle aimed at you
another cycle of the truth
another lie and we're seduced
another smile to amuse.
It's been a while since we knew.
We no longer have the clues
We just take in all their truths
and call it important news
We've lost our spark and fuse
and our individual views
Well I can't bow to you
Not as long as I am true
Because I am more than you
and the lies you try to prove
I'll regain forgotten rules
and reclaim and introduce
a new famous point of view
and just blame it all on you
I can name myself a fool
I'm insane and I got proof
My heart has been removed
by the world and how it moves
and the blades that I withdrew
Now my back is bleeding through
So I'm back misleading you
like a judge receiving proof
from the evidence and the clues
exhibit A was introduced
then the jury looked at you
But I don't judge, I commit to the truth
I won't budge, twitch, or even move
You can fuss, bitch, or bleed and drool
This thing will not be over soon
I won't stop until it's done and the gavel falls on you.

A Frayed Knot

When it comes to struggles, I'm a copywriter. If Destiny was honest, I'd copyright her.
But there are some things in life I just can't avoid, like these dreams of memories that implant a void.
I may be broken but I'm passionate. I'm not at your level. I'm passing it.
You say you understand, but I'm afraid not. You say you're so torn. Well, I'm a frayed knot.

Eulogies for the Damned

Another destiny cracks, breaks away like death in the night.
Slipping through the cracks, shadows of the sights.

a comfortable way to live, a silent way to die.

Beneath the moon, embracing stars, without the cries of a falling heart.
We all go silently.
We leave it all behind, like children at a grave.
Crucified by the memories of the dust of yesterday.
just be simple for me, cut me deep but gently.
Under fleeting suns, counting back from one, with no where to go but down.
Ignore these possible dreams, distractions from the truth.
Support your mediocrity, just abstractions of abuse.

brighten up the day with shades of black and gray.

Haunt me like a candle, burning ghosts like eulogies for the damned.
Sleep now in the flame. Say a prayer for the glamour.
The reaper sports a blade, but the devil swings a hammer.
So here's to the cuts and the crush all have come to dread.
Sobering like the sunlight and blinding like the soul.
Keep your dreams locked away to pay the boatman's toll.
What drives us in life will haunt us in death.
That which keeps us smiling wide births tears we'll never cry.

sacrifice nothing for the sake of the tomorrow.

We shall dream of passion, the fervor of living.
Dreams of shallow entities that deepen our suffering.
But who's to say no? Who's to say stop?
Some of us are trapped. Dreams are all we got.
I can't love myself the same if all I have is reality.
I'd fall apart, collapsing like a tower of incongruent components.

living like a suicide gone wrong.

Waiting for my song, a slow dance with fate, another chance to redeem.
I can't run away from the things that make me dream.
Take me in the heat of battle, or steal from my happiness.

slow like the world without a guillotine on which to rest our necks.

Fire up the pyre. Retire all desires.
Close my eyes to the perfection of my final breath.

But not yet, not ready for the end.
I still have so much to learn, so much to dream and chase.
I need the skies to bow for me, firmaments of obedience.
Just one genuine smile. One ounce of pride, pure and golden.
A drop of satisfaction before this ride is over.

drink up the bitterness today to spit up the sweetness tomorrow.

I will have my day of absolution, my day of retribution.
Trade my heart for the world, if the world was worth my time.
But it will never be. It's just me, breath, and memories.
And as I fight for my chance to breathe, so shall I dream.
so shall I be free.

The Book of Scars

I only care for a few. I will spare just a few.
And when all the truth comes out, you will know if it's you.
I won't pretend to sum it up. You won't win and shut me up.
I won't act like I'm hurting now because I don't give a fuck.
I put the writing on the wall. To watch you bleed until you fall.
To suffocate the hypocrite that you've been hiding all along.
Trust me like a noose because there is no breaking loose.
These fucking scars that you see have been carved just for you.

I'm sorry will never cut it.
Please forgive me is not enough.
Until you match the pain I felt, consider yourself fucked.
I am ruthless like a blade.
No heart, just cold and true.
I won't stop until your world just turns its back on you.

I am no longer a slave. But I am filled with this hate.
My Dad would be rolling over if he was in a fucking grave.
But he's not in the ground. He's over my shoulder and proud.
He says show these motherfuckers who they're fucking with now.
So I listen to his ghost like a whisper in the cold.
Watch you blister like a rose until the truth condemns your soul.
I never wanted all this. I just wanted to be missed.
But I found out the hard way that people just equal piss.
So I'm calling you out. You faggot ass clowns.
You know who you are, or at least you will know now.
Don't be surprised when your lies come into the light.
And don't think I care if you cry or you're willing to fight.

I'm sorry will never cut it.
Please forgive me is not enough.
Until you match the pain I felt, consider yourself fucked.
I am ruthless like a blade.
No heart, just cold and true.
I won't stop until your world just turns its back on you

I'm outta prison with intent to capture my revenge.
You can try to prevent it but I'll have it in the end.
I swear by the sun and the stars in my eyes.
I don't need luck anymore. I don't even have to try.
I am fulfilling my wishes by doing it myself.
Fuck all you sellouts now. I don't need your fucking help.
But I can promise you this as your world turns to shit.
I won't be there to help or offer my condolence.
I'll show you the world that you have shown me.
Where everyone you trust turns out just as fake as can be.
But don't take it from me. Trust me you'll see.
When your heart goes to pieces and you start bleeding like me.
Trust me you'll see. Or don't trust me at all.
But the words are the proof that is written on the wall.

The Rise of the Fall

Clawing at the surface. Tracing truth in shades of red. Cut me away. Cut me away from all of this.
Whispers burn like fairy tales and torch these paper walls. To the ashes we go, my sweet. To the ashes of it all.
I can't believe in anyone else but me. But if you fall in place, if you fall in line coincidentally,
tell me something real. Don't condescend or comprehend for the sake of my heart. Feel what you feel.
Feel the ink as it stains the page with the opportunity to last forever. I'm scratching at the words. But I just make it worse. I just make it hard to read, gets hard to see. It's everything and everyone that makes me question me.
Am I really this vain and insecure? Am I this worthless or am I something more? Am I really falling or just new to the rise? Am I as honest as I say I am or do I believe my own lies?
Not falling for a valiant effort. Not settling for my very best. Like these heroes without a song, I'm secretly unsatisfied. I am a tragic contradiction to all that I believe. I'm everything I hate. I'm everyone I need.
I don't want this to be another fallacy or another shattered dream. I want truth, pure and painful.
Show it all to me.
And when I say come cut me down, grab your rusty sword. Sharpen it with my own words and carve away.
I am unstable in the light of possibility. I say these things with conviction. But I'm still just a boy.
A man without an angel. A grave without a ghost. A heart without a reason to call this world a home.
I need more than confidence. I need more than efficacy. I need more than these unflinching strengths that I swear I have in me.
But I'm not immune to the wickedness that pools inside my stomach. These rotten aspirations to fail and think nothing of it.
I really want to dream. I really want the best. But I've been down so long, so very long. I'm afraid of changing.
What lies ahead of the lies right now?
This book of wonder I write in blood has tragedies in spades. The only thing to trump my truths is the following empty page.
What will I become if this passion becomes will? And if I know I'm willing, will I fabricate the kill?
Will I write my own disaster like a glorified suicide for all my reachable dreams?
Or will I take a breath?
Do I deserve it?
I have no idols. No role models. No one to set an example.
Because if and when I do succeed, the credit is mine to keep.
Bits and pieces of the innocent will be remembered for their time. A time to crush the evil ways of a man condemned to try.
Spellbound and reckless, this realization takes flight. Burn up everything meaningless in a ruthless wake of fire.
I don't know what will happen. But I do know what could.
I may very well decimate my own imagination. But then again, what would become of the cynic without a mind? I would be no good.
So here's to the rise and the fall and the rise of the fall. I will drink this life like a plague. Hold my breath and swallow it down like the poison of heartache.
I will conquer all my doubts by doubting every question. I will follow the trail of bodies back to point I lost my mind. Then I will smile with intensity, and realize, I've been right this whole time.
People get what they deserve, and so shall I.

Aegri Somnia

It's never easy when it comes to this. Exalting dreams that don't exist.
Unbidden in the face of truth, forgiveness remains unknown.
I see the monster in your eyes. Put to death by silent cries.
In the hollow of your absence, the world is just a stone.

A requiem for the memories. A simple man with a sick man's dreams.
Inside the twisted realm of sleep, the darkness holds me down.
Your face haunts me like a plague. The ceaseless gift of an open grave.
Your shovel smile digs me apart like my heart was the ground.

Your poison lips and deadly kiss. Stop my heart with paralysis.
In the ruthless clutches of your love, my mind has no control.
I'm just a child that's been abused. Beaten to tears with the thoughts of you.
Sentenced to these endless dreams in the prison of my soul.

Sure to Fade

When I'm gone, they'll trail my blood back to you. But if you mingle with pretty people, promise me you'll say good things and spit in the faces of my enemies.
Just hold yourself responsible for the murder of my smile.

Even though we danced so carelessly in the meadow of our youth, we've become our parents now, cracking our heads on the stones of truth. Our motives used to favor fairy tales.
The book of happy endings that closed inside our hearts. I held your hand to my mouth and kissed my life away.

Raise your glass to us my dear and toast to the tragedy. The ever burning fire that prevails over the world it ruins, staining its wonders forever.
For all that remains unchanged, SMILE WITH ACCEPTANCE. And from the bodies of our beliefs rise the ghosts of forbidden dreams.

Keep me as a teenager alive in your recollection. Look upon the disaster we shared as the miles grow between us.
But rewrite the story in your head and face the pain that's sure to fade. Fill in the blanks with the hearts of heroes that can endure the fires of time.

Remember me close to you. Remember young, smiling and original. Unfaded by the loss of you and the adamant winds of change.

The Shadow of You

Slowly chasing your deceptions. Kindly making my confessions.
Dark glasses and bold intentions.
Your life flashed before my eyes. Each moment was no surprise.
Your face was always my paradise.
Little did you know, I was on my knees.
Hoping and praying you would notice me.
Leaving me breathless just wondering.
Let me live in your shadow.
Behind all the commotion.
Glance my way every now and again
and reward my devotion.
When my world ends,
just carry on without me.
Visit the places we used to go
and say you miss me proudly.


Let me live on through scattered wishes.
Let me live on inside your dreams.
Let me live on with secret kisses.
Let me live on behind the scenes.


I'll be the angel on your shoulder.
But as the world grows a little colder,
I'll become the devil in your ear.
I'll whisper soft and seductive everything you once trusted.
Until you ask yourself how did we make it here.
At a steady pace, my heart erased,
All the things pretty turned so deadly.
Forget me not, my pulse will drop.
Breathe in heavy, wait I'm not ready.
But it's way too late. I'm dead already.


Let me live on inside your smile.
Let me live on through your eyes.
Let me live on chained to your heart.
Let me live on behind your cries.


Your shadow claims the breath in me.
But, your absence is the death of me.
Let me live here, in the shade where I belong.
Let me live. Just let me live on.

Tears in Text Messages

If this heart would settle for compromise, I'd find the reasons in your eyes...to stay.
But the world just isn't ours this time, only fear runs through our minds...this way.
Only you and I can make this work, not the devil or his friends.
Hold me now before it's over and just pray this never ends.

I'm sorry if I let you down. My hands just let you drown.
I can't remember what made me this way.
I'm awful and I know this now. I was the one who tore us down.
I just hope it's not too late to change.

Before the world takes off again, I'll find a way to make amends...with you.
If I'm not ready to comprehend that you are truly my best friend...I lose.
Swallow pride like bullets now, I will take in all the pain.
When I'm down and out, my love, don't remember me this way.

I'm sorry if I made you cry. I hate it when you say good-bye.
I'm not the person that I used to be.
I'm killing off all my dreams. I'll prove to you before we sleep.
The monster here will be the death of me.

You always smile right on time, bring these memories to mind...I know.
Tears and texts that coincide, messages that pierce my spine...just go.
I never wanted anything more, just you and your heart.
Of all the pieces I am now, you are the strongest part.

So walk away if you must, void of love, void of trust.
Just don't pretend to leave for the sake of me.
If you still feel something real, something true you can't reveal.
Come back again and empty your heart on me.

Familiar Red

I can't stand the way I fall right on my face, inches away from another open grave.
I know all I want seems so far out of reach. I'm just glad my arms grow longer every time I bleed. Slipping into loneliness makes me feel just like a bitch. So, I'll scream until my lungs collapse and wear this like a stitch. 

As I leave my shadow behind, my heart fills up inside. Fall away like the walls of a past that's filled with lies. You can chase my pulse around with judging blades for me. But, I will only suffer for the vindicated me. Any attempt to impede these steps will be taken in light stride, conquering your facade by shading the bright side.

These scars came from living, and the end of innocence. My ways of forgiving are worse than a consequence. I beat myself up enough as my heart and mind go to war. How can I be frightened by anyone or anything anymore? I am my own worst enemy with daily mental beatings. Only I can train myself to learn from all the bleeding.

Today I discovered what it means to really swallow pride. It's a metaphorical razor blade dicing your insides. But, then it's over, you take a breath, and review your decision. A redesigned outlook at the cost of internal incisions. Not everything is what you thought, it is never white and black. It is red, red, red--like a heart beating through your back.

...and so I listen to the call of the soldier in my chest. I've left him stranded once before and ignored all his requests. But, now the tone of the memories, as sung by somber voices, leaves me questioning the subtleties behind those quiet noises. How much have I missed, and how can I get it again? How did all my dreams go up in flames in the end? 

He says, "Don't worry old friend, you will have it again. Those scars resemble dreams still sleeping in your head. You have prevailed in ways that you still fail to see. Listen to the humble side and enjoy what you've achieved. You must have patience and courage for the dreams you still crave. With all your might and no control, you will wake up in a grave."


Another day to fight. Another day to win. Let my heart lead the way. Let my life begin.

beLIEve with me...

I will approach things in a different light.
I will choose calmness over a fight.
I will walk away when things get out of hand
I will always understand.

I won't deal with another dirtbag in my life.
I won't be hurt by another friend holding a knife.
I won't reveal my back to anyone anymore.
I won't be the one bleeding on the floor.

I will try to compromise a little bit.
I will try to smile when I feel a bit sick.
I will eventually be who you want me to be.
I will be everything you deserve to be.

I won't sell my dreams for a mask of shit.
I won't try to be just a passionate kid.
I won't buckle under the pressure of your society.
I won't cave in...you wish you were like me.

Let's just face it, I really want to change.
I want to be categorized and put on display.
I want to be remembered for the image I show.
I want to be recognized as just another soul.

I want to be honest and spit your face.
I want to be the one to put you in your place.
I will be remembered as something fucking beautiful.
I am everything you are not...an individual.

Pity Party Massacre

I feel like I'm fuckin crackin inside,
It's hard enough comin up with a passionate rhyme,
when my brain only works half of the time,
the other half, I'm too busy just passing the time.
On reminiscing over things that no longer exist.
Like the stitches on my heart or the scars on my fist.
When the twitches in my arm shoot down to my wrist
and razors become jewelery to a sick masochist.
But, before you go assuming that I'd slit my own wrists,
I'm just doing what I do to make sense of this shit.
With a pad and a pen, I release all my rage.
My suicide ends when the ink hits the page.
With all the dreams I've had and mistakes that I've made,
I have to write my own ending to escape all the pain.
And I don't give a fuck what anyone says.
This is my fucking heart, this is my fucking head.
This is my blood spilling out the tip of this pen.
If any one's offended by what I just said,
Who cares? I'm always the one that's left in the end.
It's a pity party massacre. And no one is invited.
I'll murder all my worries alone, unrequited.
Slicing through my doubts and insecurities.
I don't need anyone to show me how to breathe.
I know how my evil heart handles situations.
And it's not with the help of false motivations.
I can't relate to the fake, can't have faith in their place.
Cuz everyone is capable of running away.
I've been abandoned before, I still remember the taste.
I'll be damned if I let another person damage my fate.
It's just the way it is, I can't change what you see.
This is the world now, either love it or leave.

Save Yourself

I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be,
embracing the past like the ghost in me.
I'd rather suffocate alone
than by the hands of those close to me.

I'm unflinching but, I am afraid,
crawling through the wreckage I have made.
Don't ever ask me to stop,
this is the only way I'll ever change.

Save myself...
...from these broken memories.
Blame myself...
...you'll never know that part of me.
Change myself...
...by refusing to change for anyone.
Save yourself...
...I'm broken, but, I won't be the only one.

I don't recognize the friends you see,
they all look like enemies to me.
Before you pass a judgment,
remember our separate realities.

I don't do the things I'm meant to do,
not by the standards of conformist rules.
I traverse things differently,
with my heart first, and then values.

Save myself...
...I don't expect anyone's help.
Blame myself...
...too real to blame anyone else.
Change myself...
...by leaving my heart unchanged.
Save yourself...
...sell me out, you're all the same.

Dedicated to Philip Graves

She's a miracle dressed in rose,
a blessing in the sand.
Builds fires with emotions,
and captures lives in her hand.
Such a pretty little girl,
capable of filling graves.
She's innocence from a distance,
touch her once, and it's too late.

Because you're dead.
Dead as dead can be.
She'll eat you alive with wicked little smiles.
Such a pretty little thing.

Her intent is pure,
her heart is without malice.
She'll lead you to believe you're wonderland,
then abandon you like Alice.
Her tears are drops of poison,
her laugh, a hurricane.
She brings it all to a bloody end,
and fills another grave.

Because you're dead.
Dead as anything...
...anything that no longer breathes.
Such a pretty little thing.

She never means to harm,
it just happens uninspired.
It's not her fault she has the power
to set your heart on fire.
But, she is everything a boy could want,
a perfect slice of life.
Too bad, it will never last,
because no man will survive.

Because you're dead.
Dead as I can be.
Delicate hands piercing my heart.
Such a pretty little thing.

Salt Water Homocide

Your eyes are priceless but they're killing me.
These lachrymose and haunting scenes.
You cry and it murders me.

Seems like we're not who we used to be.
Growing closer but still tearing seams.
You cry and it murders me.

You always know what picks me up.
And you have never let me drop.
I'm here because you are enough.
And my heart won't let me stop.

Don't let me go or let me breathe.
Just in case this is all a dream.
Don't let me go. Just help me see.
All these tears just murder me.

You affect the better parts of me.
Take away the negative world I've seen.
You cry and it murders me.

I won't pretend that I am not worried.
But my faith in you destroys that side of me.
You smile and it still saves me.

I let you in when I was weak at heart,
and it wasn't a bad decision.
Even now I feel like I'm falling apart,
But, still without suspicions.

Don't let me go or let me breathe.
Just in case this is all a dream.
Don't let me go. Just help me see.
All these tears just murder me.

Woman in the Woods

fuckatitle

I won't try to argue or develop a sense of virtue.
I won't show my colors if you don't like the hue.
If being me means I'm forced to lose you,
I'm sorry, but I refuse.

This is my last poem I will dedicate to pretending.
I can't waste another moment on building happy endings.
From memory to heart, to trouble comprehending.
I never knew love until the horizon started bending.

Maybe I'll never learn from our misunderstandings.
When falling for you forever is so demanding.
But until there is no one here left standing,
I will enjoy my fall, I don't care about the landing.

And I don't care about rhyming anymore either. I don't care for these delicate words that invoke safe visions and hopes. I don't care about the mitigating factors in arguments. I despise the fake. I will not be one. What the hell is going on in my head. I'm fine. I'm not fine. I'm fine. I'm not fine. I'm fine. I'm not fucking fine. I'm not okay. I'm not content with anything anymore than I am comfortable with conforming. I am slowly losing my patience with myself once again. I am bending my own rules. I am fighting my own nature. I am slowly tearing myself asunder. That means into separate pieces if you didn't know. See there I go. I am tired of losing it. Just be lost already. I can't go on dwelling in this confused state. Who the fuck am I anyway? I've lost sight of certain things about me that were once pride producing traits. Now, an empty shell and a "please leave me the fuck alone" smile has become the object in the mirror. And I say object because I barely feel like a person anymore. A person has substance and intent and control. I have none of these. I have excuses, rationalizations, minimizing techniques, and an unhealthy urge to prove myself worthy of redemption. I can't focus on my aspirations. I am preoccupied with telling myself to "breathe, it will all be okay someday." When? When will it be okay? I don't know and it's killing me. Day to day to day to fucking day. This isn't even me searching for sympathy. This is me having a revelation as I write. Holy hell man. What have I become? Am I just a bastard? A self defeating bastard? Or am I saving myself from this rose tinted snow globe? Am I tearing myself from the bonds of false hopes and unreasonable dreams? Or am I realizing my dream of being satisfied with the person I've become. Either fucking way, I can't make everyone happy. I know this and I will approach life in the manner of cautious caring mixed with a greedy heart. I will be there...if you are there for me. Enough fucking said for now. Let's see what the fuck tomorrow has in store for Mr. Malice.

I just hate people sometimes.

Let's pretend that I closed my mouth to fit in, and all the words were lost behind this facade of a grin. Just imagine, what would my life be like then, if I never chose to scrape a page with a pen. I'd be another silent victim of the world once again. Maybe once upon a time when Wonderland was a place, a physically attainable way to escape. I might have held my breath just to capture the sights, but I never left my heart behind for what's right. But, let's make believe for a night, that I took a knife and offered up my heart to be sacrificed. Let's pretend that everyone was my friend like before and I would never have to chase another tear to the floor. Who would I be then? Would I be someone less or would I be something more? Would I feel this passion that's burning through my heart or would I be as numb as a collection of scars? A saint behind bars, or a lost superstar, surrounded by followers waiting to rip me apart. That life is too large. A victim I am not, nor will I ever be. I've already tasted the scent of recovery. I can't think about the things that smother me. I'm too far ahead. That was the other me. I can't focus on the effects of my faults if I remain unaffected as a result of my thoughts. This is not the way these two paths should be crossed. I have to feel this pain before my emotions are lost. It's the drive and the force. It's the plot and the course. It's the sweat in my palms and the blood on the floor. I can't pretend that I'm okay when I refuse to conform. So I cherish all the pain and use it up like a whore. Drink it all in to spit out on the floor, in ways these fake bastards never seen before. There's something magical to me about reality. There's nothing like embracing your own mortality. I'd never ask anyone to bow down to me. Just stand up for the reasons your heart has a beat, as it moves your blood like a stream that screams until the seams stitched through your dreams come apart by dark means, in ways that collapse your veins and it's too hard to restart when the truth is to blame like a shadow of doubt across every friendly face. It makes you recognize who was there for the pain and that isn't okay, when everyone you trust decides to leave you this way. Open up your mouth with all the things you should say, be the messenger that shoots back with a rage. With a pen and page, splatter ink on the stage, kill off every character that you've ever played because you were a slave, you were deprived so let's be depraved. Let's pretend for real with the no intentions to save the ghosts of our past, memories of the fake. Let's be ruthless with no compassion or regard for anyone that treads on a broken man's heart. But, imagine if I was just another simple mind, oblivious to the world beneath all the lies. I'd be as fake as the next pair of eyes, only opening my mouth to say, "No, no. Everything here is fine." Give me a fucking break...I just hate people sometimes.

Everything Fades

Maybe I should look at things a different way
Accept the little pains as an influence to change
Leave these wounds behind and carry on
Into the secure shadows of world rearranged.
Capture all these dreams by letting them go
Erasing all the seams by stitching the holes
Insignificant voids stretching on and on
Nihilistic righteousness and nothing to show.
Whatever days may come to pass
Opportunities to sing and laugh
Never remember what should be gone
Dissever all tears from a happy past
Enough moments there to pick and choose
Replace the blood with nights on the moon
Leave all the wishes for the stars
Allow your life to finally come true
Nothing real will go on forever, not even the pain
Destroy the dreams you mold together before reality fades.

Black Mirrors

Excuse me while I fall apart
     so you can say "I told you so"
          Well I don't need you anyway
               so you can fucking go.

Like every misguided step I take,
     my faith in you was always fake.
          My heart is now a bloodless stone.
               I'm better off alone.

I love when you lie and say you care
     but when tears fall, you disappear.
          You sat back just to watch me lose.
                I'm better off without you.

Excuse me while I break away
     so you can stay and preach.
          Well I don't need a saint right now,
                so you can fucking leave.

Like every hero's enemy
     Villains are just like family.
          My trusting back is full of knives.
                I'm better off on my own this time.

I'll paint the mirrors black in here
     to see myself without you there.
          You added to my suffering.
                I'm better off with nothing.

Hopes, Dreams, and Spiders

What wonderful webs we weave, my sweet.
As I, the victim of a heart's defeat,
dangle here upon your strings
waiting for you to capture me.
I have come to be your claim
and surrender to my dreams.

But how wicked the world shall turn and spin.
As I succumb to this warmth within,
I invoke the spirit of woeful winds,
"Pry me not from love again.
Cast me aside, but not tonight.
No, not as love begins."

What is this love thing anyway?
To wager our lives on a twist of fate
as time pursues my heart's decay?
But, I would have it no other way.
Though I suffer, I still believe
it is definitely worth the pain.

I long to make this reality.
A boy, a girl, and a heart that beats.
I love the way I struggle to breathe
because you steal the breath right out of me.
You imprison me and I love it here.
What wonderful webs we weave indeed.

Exiled to Paradise, Part Two

With a pen in my hand, heart on my sleeve,
Not just a man, a vigilante.
Not just a boy, a mercenary.
A monster that waits for his chance to feed.
Stalking my prey with tools of the trade,
a pen that carves my words like a blade
the ink that burns through all of my veins
and pages that resemble dark, empty graves.

Fill 'em all Sean. Make them believe.
Don't let anyone say you can't succeed.
With these words, you MAKE them see.
You make the whole world come to its knees.
Find your paradise within the disaster.
Beautiful tragedies. Fists through the plaster.
Fists through the windows. Fists through the past.
Fuck all the faces that fade away too fast.

I bled long enough, not a whimper was heard.
Put on this earth to shut up and learn.
Shut up and serve. Shut up since birth.
Shut the fuck up,
you just ain't worth it.
You just ain't worth shit!
So I stayed quiet and took all the pain
Let it boil inside without a complaint.
I used to believe in taking the blame
But now it's time to break my restraints.
Judge me now as you will be judged by me.
Every little secret you ever told me,
every tiny moment lost to history,
was carved in the walls of my memory.
Welcome to the hell of my confessions.
No mitigations and no corrections.
No more sugar coats, only the lessons.
No one is safe from their own reflections.
I'll write the stories you're afraid to read.
I shut the fuck up, but I learned to scream
through pages and pages of pure honesty.
Wake the fuck up, it's your turn to bleed.
Now YOU are the victims. You are the targets.
My pen is my weapon. Watch how I carve this...

Exiled to Paradise, Part One

This is for all those who cast judgment, I love it.
It gives me the guts to cry out and say fuck it.
Imagine if I was just another target,
sitting and waiting for just another hard hit
to my pride deep inside, just take it in stride.
I'll be fine tomorrow, for tonight I'll just cry.
Imagine I grinned and kept my mouth shut.
Held everything in and bottled it up.
Imagine if I just knew how to act
Like everything's fine, but waiting to snap.
But, that will never happen to me.
I speak up and out if I don't agree.
I can't wear a mask of conformity
for the sake of being like everybody.
I don't care enough to believe in your scripts.
Follow the guidelines or you will be missed.
Better ostracize me like an unfaithful witch.
Because the way that I think is sacrilegious
to you and all of your fake practices.
I don't care if I'm gone or if I'm missed.
In your world of characters I don't even exist.

Through the Fire

I'd chase down a hurricane to make you happy once again.

I'd walk right through a hall of flames if you were there on the other end.

Dance barefoot in the snow with you just to prove I was a friend.

And endure the pain for both of us just to hold you once again.

I would fix all your wounds. But, my hands are not enough.

All I can do is wipe your tears and believe in our love.

As tragic as this is, it's beautiful to me.

Feels like dying sometimes, but there's nowhere I'd rather be.

These walls are ruthless prison bars when you are not around.

Without you, my world resembles a quiet, empty playground.

I'd burn my dreams to ashes and crush my goals to dust.

If it meant that I'd be next to you until the death of us.

Through fire, through pain, through everything I can't change.

I'll find a way to be the one, another soul to be claimed.

Another heart to beat, another way to be.

Another life to chase, 

but next to you is the only place I will ever feel like me.

The Guillotine

When her tears hit the ground, they left cracks on the street.
I cringed at the sound as they fell from her cheek.
And as the night grew darker, baby, so did we.

It was the crash of our faith beneath the listening trees.
The hole in my heart echoes words back to me.
So when you say that you're done, I hear it for eternity.

As the stars jump from the sky to my feet,
my world is not just flipped, it remains incomplete.
And I guess you'll never know what that means.

In the blink of an eye, you turn nightmares to dreams.
Even though we fight, you kill the questions in me.
Because your smile is always my guillotine.

If I'm wrong about this, just let falsities lie.
Let me live through this, hopeless and blind.
I'd rather fight with you than to hear your good-bye.

Smile at me, it's all that I ask.
No matter how painful, the knives in our back.
If you can't see my heart in this light, just paint it black.

I watched our lives come too close to let it all go.
I watched myself like a ghost and turned dreams into goals.
It was you and your smile, I thought that you should know.

That Night on the Swings.

Carry on through the moonlight, believe me doll, this is too right.
Take these knives and bloody holes, stitch me up or let me go.
That night on the swings with me, jot this down in history,
Say the words or sing to me, just keep killing this misery.
It's almost gone, don't stop now. Laugh again to burn it down.
This old brain with this old heart. Tune me up for you.
Throw away the tattered parts and assume I'm something new.
I'm a sad song on a beautiful day. A song you can't remember.
Let's swing away til it all comes back or stay clueless here forever.
I never wanted anything but to be a part of something.
If I ever wanted anything, it was more than good for nothing.
And you've become my everything, watch my wants turn into needs.
Because I need you more than anything and I no longer want to bleed.
I want to see your eyes floating like ghosts in the streetlight.
I want to see you fly, hoping I say every word just right.
Beneath the deadly skies, where it all goes to fade.
Unforgotten memories, upon these swings, we've made.
Deliver all your healing blows to the center of my day.
Kill the sun for the ways he has lied right to my face.
Remind me everyday that it's never what it seems.
But, in fact, it's exactly the way it ought to be.
Just like the way the moon seems to know everything,
Look at me and remind me about that night on the swings.
Don't open your mouth to try and say a word.
One breath, one smile, one kiss, one heart put on reserve.
Waiting in the shadows, formerly unavowed,
within the depths of everything a soul can't do without.
I open up my reservoir and pour everything out.
You cracked the surface, it's time to swim or drown.
The dirt beneath our feet, like dusty memories.
The flowers by the street, like lonely tragedies.
Make this night the final one we ever question what we've done.
Take my life, tie me to you, before we both come undone.
Swing away with me until the world gets sick of us.
And then take me back for some more, because I'll never get enough.