The Hatchet

Part Two: Bloody Bullseye

I still like the way you look in the darkest of my dreams.
Your mouth is stitched in razor wire that tugs every time you scream.
You're the stain I can't wash clean and the ghost that never leaves.
But, you're the perfect inspiration for the way I'll never be.

All I see is the residue of a love that came and went.
Hearts abandoned like debris scattered across cement.
Dandelions in a glass. I thought we would drown together.
Now I'm drinking the dirty water just to watch you wither.

Thank you for the bed of nails and a life long heart attack.
Thanks for taking back the hatchet you left buried in my back.
For every promise that you fake, another grudge grows in its place.
It was almost worth the pain. Thanks for everything.

The Hatchet

Part One: Target Practice

I love my painful memories. It's such a killer way to survive.
I play your pre-recorded promises backwards to here your lies.
Can someone please remind me how a creep like me can trust.
I know it wasn't your reflection because your face was never enough.

You have to be the prettiest..........disease to my ambition.
You'll always be my number one.........on my list of bad decisions.
So I block out all the smiles.......I ever wasted on your lips.
I promise I'll never forget you.......I'll just remember you don't exist.

Thank you for the loneliness. I needed time to think.
Thank you for the treachery, confirming every instinct.
For every evening in the rain, we hid the tears but not the pain.
It was almost worth the sting. Thanks for everything.

About Death

Sometimes we need reminders that we are not forever. Halfway to the end of it all, we question ourselves. Don't lie, little soul, we can smell our own. But, in the reflection of our mortality, we find immortal eyes. Cruel and ruthless irises piercing our beliefs. Be brave to the revelation that nothing is what it seems. Your heart is vulnerable, your face is weathered and weak, all the things you cherish are negotiable to say the least. Death is a blade, never dull, never late, and always a step ahead. Don't even try to prepare. Don't even try to live...just smile pretty as often as possible. Let the world know you were strong.


Struggle no more to force happiness. It will come the moment you stop trying. Do your best to follow your heart, just never sacrifice it for ease. People put prices on their emotions and die emotionless. The people who stand for their beliefs don't die at all. They move on to next level of happiness, away from the cynics and victims of greed, away from those who worship facades and the self righteous views they keep. There is no try anymore. There is only do or do not. Do the things that make you whole. Do the things that make you smile. Do not attempt to please them all. You will fail. You will fall. If you stretch yourself across the satisfaction of others, they will bury you in pieces. Smile. Be selfish. Love. Breathe and die. Accept yourself as mortal. Accept your mistakes. Accept that everyone is capable of being an enemy, even you. But don't accept anything at all as a finality. Nothing is forever.
 
You will learn one day, my precious one, everything is subject to change. The way we talk, the way we walk, and even the blood in our veins. Everything will change. My suggestion for you is enjoy the forgettable moments and the meaningless hours, for that is all we have. Memories of kisses, scars, and tears, and the rest is faded happenstance. A colorful coincidence, this life. We live for the days that carry us home. We die in the arms of the brutal unknown. And when they find you sprawled across the floor, wearing your dreams on your sleeve, just know you made your mark. You will be remembered no matter what they say, or what the evidence reveals. Some of us go down quietly, others in a ball of flames. But in silence or in fire, we all burn out the same. But, they way we are remembered is how we embrace the flames.

Lost Boys and the Diaries They Invade

They told you he was a beautiful boy. You decided to stop and take a good look.
You penciled him in as a pivotal point inside the plot of a young girl's book.
They said be weary of his cynical lips, he can dent your heart with such precision.
You came a long way from that critical kiss, but you're still aching from the collision.

Now the cover bears a heart of leather. Pages are bound by your scars forever.
The ink and the tears are perfect together. The pain makes the story sound so much better.

Every page, a memory.
Every stroke of the pen, a moment.
Empty your heart again and again just to fill another chapter.

Didn't they say don't fall in love with him. Little boys with lost souls never find their way.
Kill him off and pretend you've seen the last of him, but the pages look so empty without his face.
Thumb through the chapters written about his smile. He's the one that drained all the ink in your pen.
And every time you put the book down for awhile, you miss him to pieces and start writing again.

Never Let Them See You Cry

I have no tears left to shed

So I cry with the pen instead.


From halos to Halloween
I found you lost somewhere between.
A dark angel with a book of sorrows
May I steal your heart tomorrow?


How sweet beneath the bitterness
I claimed you like a forbidden kiss
You smiled once and cast your spell
and jaded the world I knew so well.


A bible of confessions couldn't prove my case
Words can't explain how much I miss your face
But I have no tears left to shed
So I cry with this pen instead.


I used to act so stupid for you to notice me
Come change my ways. Come close to me.
I would walk to your house on rainy days
just to touch the shadows of your face.

But the force of your love was too much to handle
So I protected myself like my heart was a candle
I stole your breath away and burned all alone.
Still your dark silhouette will always feel like home.


Of all the choices that could've went wrong
I just had to destroy the one place I belonged.
But I have no tears left to shed
So I cry with this pen instead.


Somewhere along our jagged line
I gave in to a criminal's mind.
You held me close while I was changing
and with your tears you tried to save me.

Time and again I apologized
You always accepted and compromised.
So how was I supposed to know
that our forever would come and go.


You weren't supposed to leave that way
There's still so much I have to say
How could you give up on me?
You can't erase our memories.


So here I am a ghost without you.
Fading away when I think about you.
Your memory is the cross I'm nailed to.
And I die everyday just knowing that I failed you.

I bury this pain so deep inside
My soul is cracked but my eyes are dry
Cause I have no tears left to shed
So I cry with this pen instead.
There's no more tears for you to see
So I write these words to cry for me.

Clear the Canvas

If I cleaned up the stains
left behind by our broken dreams
Would you pick up the pieces
of what's life of me?


If I could clear the canvas
and wipe all the pain away
Would you design a masterpiece
if my heart was an empty page?


If I took our memories
and filtered out the tears
Would you focus on the pictures
of a past that was sincere?


If I turned the clock around
before everything went wrong
Would you still smile back at me
when I told you my name was Sean?


If I fixed my stupid mistakes
and erased all the lies
Would you repaint the world for me
with the colors in your eyes?


If I could begin this again
and take us back to start
Would you fill this emptiness
with the pieces of your heart?

An Autopsy for Two

After all the pain we’ve been through from all the fights we got into
Just patch those wounds and continue, cuz I miss you.

But now,

Like a casket for the grieving, I’m the only one left screaming

With my knees to the floor and bleeding, I am pleading.

Alone.

Don’t leave me here in the starlight, I’ll crash right back into your life

Cuz your ghost is cutting the brake lines for the last time.

Don’t go.

I’ll say a prayer to revive you, but if the candle flames don’t find you,

I’ll just close my eyes and die too, right beside you.

When they find our bodies holding hands beneath the stars and lifeless,


They’ll cut us up and spread our ribs to find out why we’re like this.


And after all is said and done and they stitch up all our scars,


They’ll tell the world we killed each other by breaking the other’s heart.

Darling.

For the fading echoes of my lies and those lasting tears that don’t dry

It’s too late to say that I tried, but I tried.

Can’t feel you in my veins. We’re chalk lines in the rain.


Our memories wash away.

But like tattoos in your name, our hearts will never change.

They remain unscathed, just circling the drain.

Bullets from Paradise.

My words are healing, like a rose pressed against a cheek to intercept the tears.
My words are soft and secluded.
Don't change this pace. Don't change this face. I like to be liked. I don't mean to be mean.
Hold me before I say something stupid and ruin the both of us.
My words can be dangerous, shooting out like bullets and piercing everything they touch.
My words are deadly and my aim is flawless.
I never miss.
You don't know what it means.
You only think you do. 
We've come so far and we will fall even further.
Professionally poetic and properly pedantic or ruthless and retaliatory.
Submissive in my acceptance or barbarian in my defenses.
My passion doesn't stop at sweet and safe like it should.
It carries on and on into the voids of anger and off the cliffs of revenge.
I can't mitigate, only castigate myself and others.
We cry these beautiful diamonds and make each other rich.
But don't worry, my words are healing, like a rose pressed against a cheek to intercept the tears.
My words are soft and secluded.
Please don't change this pace.

Fearless...almost.

I am unafraid to face my past and claim the things I've done. I am unafraid to believe in myself and welcome the future I deserve. I fear no man. I fear no woman. But, it's those goddamn spiders that scare the crap out of me. Especially the ones with fur. Blagggh. Disgusting.

The world is just a rock in space without someone there to spin it for you.

If I punched everyone in the face who deserved it, my knuckles would be a bloody, broken mess; and I'd probably need like a week's worth of jabs, hooks, and uppercuts just to make sure I get everyone on the list. So, instead, I smile as if everything is cosmically aligned and I carry on unscathed. Fortunately for the multitude of idiots in desperate need of on-the-spot facial augmentation, I won't allow myself to act on my craving. I am now just a spectator. I know the consequences of acting on impulsive stupidity, trust me. But, that doesn't mean I will hold my tongue. I can hold myself back only so far. But, like they say, boys will be boys. Well, Sean will always be Sean motherfuckin Williams.
I realize now the importance of patience. It was a painful process that few of you may ever come to struggle through, hopefully for your sake. I know how precious things work and how the absence of them is devastating to a needy heart and unquieted mind. It kills me how people take priceless components of life for granted. I hate to say it, but some people need to have their life stripped and frayed. I promise you this: The world is just a rock in space without someone there to spin it for you.
Therefore, for all you morons who cherish lifeless material, all you clowns with your faces painted to resemble satisfaction, and every last one of you simple minded robots with hearts that carry price tags, you have been put on notice. Take your synthetic emotions elsewhere. I'm not buying it. And for everyone who carves their life in passionate strokes, appreciates the importance of the small things and stains their world in dreamscapes, rock the fuck on!

Follow, Lead, or MOVE!

If you're going to be a follower, follow your heart. If you're going to be a leader, lead yourself to greatness. If you stand for nothing and never make a difference, get the fuck out of my way because you don't even matter.

No More Tears

No More Tears

As I walk tall among the giants,

I remain ruthless in my pursuit.

I am no longer inadequate.

I deserve the dreams I choose.

I can't fall to judgment.

My expectations are still mine.

Failure does not exist.

There's no more tears to cry.

I've waited for this chance

to murder all my fears.

Crumble all the wicked doubts

I've gathered over the years.

Like bullets to an open heart,

I will make it through.

To all those who doubt me now,

I never needed you.

TENSION

One heart hanging on a bed post

     waiting patiently for its match

Two eyes open and watching

     just in case it cracks

Three A.M. inside the mirror

     still one face reflected

Four hours until sunrise

     but the sun will not protect us

Five paces from your window

    Six stories from the ground

Seven excuses in your mind

     why I'm nowhere to be found

Eight more reasons to say good-bye

     Nine if you count the pain

But my ten fingers on your face

     are ten more reasons to stay

Nine different ways for me to smile

     and eight of them are you

The seven chances you promised me

     now six of them are used

Five cars passing by

     but none of them were mine

Four stars left to wish upon

     but three were satellites

In two seconds you'll lock the door

     and close up all the shades

But in one moment, you'll hear one voice

     "I'm sorry I made you wait."

Every Moment Counts...seriously.

Love is a fire element that burns in the core of your life. Unfortunately, the emotional intensity leaves no room to differentiate the fervor of feelings. If you are in love, you are IN love; if you are angry or sad, you are utterly miserable. Some say if you don't fight or argue with a significant other, you are not in love. I agree.  
But, how do you balance the positive and negative? I don't suggest sacrificing the beauty behind the pain. When moments together take your breath and paint your life in shades of solace, the differences that separate your bond melt away. On the other hand, when you just can't seem to get things right and it feels like the shadows of the world stretch painfully over your heart, questioning the happiness of your memories becomes commonplace.
How do you solidify intangible comfort? How do you tip the scale in the direction of peace and understanding? I do believe one of the best components of love is the unknown. But, sometimes, just maybe, a little foresight into the future wouldn't hurt--assisted sagacity if you will.
I understand that the most beautiful things in life are the most natural of occurences. With that said, it must be natural for me to feel ecstacy one night and pull my hair out the next, because, when you know something is special, you keep it. You learn to cherish the painful moments along with the sweet and cuddly. You recognize the gift of a disagreement and be thankful that it is with someone who spins your world in ways you've never known.
Value EVERY moment, good or bad, for it's the combination of emotions that makes the love true. If things were perfect, and there was nothing to fix or tend to, how could your relationship grow? So the next time you're fighting with your parnter in passion, step back for a moment and trace the curves of their face with your eyes. Remember what makes them unique, what makes them special, and most importantly, what makes them yours.

Don't allow those with jelly backbones to convince you not to take risks. Their world is surrounded in safety glass, cushioned with bubble wrap, and padded for their protection, but yours doesn't have to be. Besides, a few tears and a little blood here and there are not only a part of living, the pain sharpens our awareness of comfort, reminding us that you can't appreciate true happiness until it's taken away for a little while.
The nerve of some people. To force your beliefs, procedures, or rules onto another is beyond me. I'm not talking about advice. Advice is welcome when administered with a take it or leave it spoon. I'm talking about the advice injected via drill--the people who see things done differently from their own methods and practically faint in disgust. Just because your method works for you, it doesn't mean it works for everybody. OPEN your mind and please SHUT your mouth! That is all.

Promise yourself to be so strong....

live with intention

As Daisy Dies Alone

Just carve me out of your perfect life
We're obsolete in each other's eyes
I'm sick of trying to survive the kill
when there's no more fucking blood to spill

When I reverse the life I lived
You'll be the devil, I'll be the saint
But it's not worth the wait
Kiss my picture and fade to black
You and I were made to crack
Now it's too late to save

Your heart is my pocket of emptiness
Bury my face in the bloodlessness
I hope your pride digests your soul
And you love yourself into a hole
I still picture you in front of me
In quiet stairwells and empty seats
You will always be my ghost
You're my Marilyn Monroe
You used to be so beautiful
But now you're dead to me.
Now we all remember you
for the girl you used to be

Daisy you look so perfect
all by yourself
Tears dry in the sun
with nowhere left to run
Just you and the memories of what you've done.

My spine filled itself with fate
But I carved the F into an H
In memory of your face
You're the daisy on my coffin door
And I can't push you up no more
In the darkness I laugh and wait

Daisy, you look so perfect
dying in the sun.
Withering by yourself
for all the things you've done.

And everything you love is gone.

Murder All You Love

I'm too proud to say I miss you

But I'll never drop the issue

Parts of me long to kiss you

until the sanity in me collapses

But I can't rewrite your diary

My fears are uninspiring

No matter what I try to be

I'll always be dead chapters

You will never know my aches

I will never share my scars

I can barely face your memory

How can I repair your heart?

So hate me now until the end

I know you love to condescend

Just don't pretend we're still friends

If you ever cared for me at all

you'd never look my way again.

Into the end with open wounds

Pretty roses with hearts of doom

They slit our binding stems in two

now I'm dying all alone

My words become my suicide

Self-destructive and idle lies

Spoken in vain and idolized

and etched into my bones.

My excuses are so vague

I will never tell you I still care

Your smile invokes regretful tears

But that's my secret cross to bear.

So hate me for the things you know

Just don't pretend that there's still hope

I know you love to be in control

But you can't control the things you love

So hate me enough to let me go.

Romancing the Blade

I want to see inside your skin

I want the stories behind the scars

I want to touch the pain you feel

while it boils inside your heart

When the world is too dull to look upon

and the conformists rule the day

I'll be the blade in your hands

and we'll slice it all away.

Because tears aren't enough for me

and good knives need good twists

We could streak the world in better shades

black tears and crimson wrists

I want to see inside your head

I want the tragedies in your mind

I want to taste your salty tears

while they wait inside your eyes

We can carve our lives in the shape of smiles

we can even kill some dreams

Hold a knife to destiny's throat

and make a wish every time she screams

But if I'm not sharp enough for you

and forever is just a masquerade

Make the decision to let me go

with the incision of another blade.

Can someone please remind me how the world works?
I seem to have lost the handbook.

Oh no, I'm Melting!

I am slowly realizing that the weather doesn't affect my mood. It's raining today, so am I supposed to feel down because the sun isn't out? Sucky weather is just a scapegoat for soggy feelings. Why blame the weather? Plus, the opposite is true as well. Why do people tend to be more pleasant on nicer days? Are they that programmed by their environment?
I do agree that a nice, sunny day looks and physically feels better than a cold, wet one. But, I believe feelings and emotions should be driven by interior sources rather than outside distractions. If your mood is altered by a lack of sunshine, isn't your ability to make decisions altered as well? What if an important choice has to be made? Or a destination has to be reached? Should the weather affect the possible changes in your life? No.
If we lose our instinctual spontaneity as a result of snow, rain, and clouds, we cheat ourselves of pure emotions. What if, for example, you planned to propose--on a certain day at a certain time in a certain location? And you knew it felt right, utterly right. But it started to rain...what happens next? Do you postpone your heart for the weather?
I get it though, no one wants to be proposed to in a hurricane. But, if someone was willing to withstand the hurricane to confess true emotion, could you honestly be angry? I just think people forget sometimes what it is to be human. We have freedoms inside us to do things extraordinary. Never mitigate yourself. I can't stand how people grow older and forget about the times they played in the rain and mud. Now, everybody is so uptight with their rules and procedures and so influenced by who's watching and what they will think. For just a moment of clarity, I think everyone should take at least 2 minutes to dance barefoot in the rain. But, if you're the type of person to say, "I'll get sick." or "I don't have time for that nonsense," I mourn the death of your youth.
Till next time...Down with conformity.

Born Inside the Fire

When smiles fade and shadows fall and faith remains depleted.
When senses fail and hearts grow stale and heroes are defeated.
They promise love. They promise truth. They promise not to stumble.
But they leave so heartlessly just to watch you crumble.

When no one's left to share the pain and trust turns into doubt.
Before you question my intentions, let me spell it out.
H-A-T-E : Hearts Are They Enemy.
Because of you I know the truth. Love's One Vain Excuse:
L-O-V-E. Erase this memory.

Suck my life and suffocate on the evil in my eyes.
Like vampires with hearts of fire I hate you more than sunrise.
These open wounds will never close and scars will never form.
When family dies and friends are lies a villain's heart is born.