Familiar Red

I can't stand the way I fall right on my face, inches away from another open grave.
I know all I want seems so far out of reach. I'm just glad my arms grow longer every time I bleed. Slipping into loneliness makes me feel just like a bitch. So, I'll scream until my lungs collapse and wear this like a stitch. 

As I leave my shadow behind, my heart fills up inside. Fall away like the walls of a past that's filled with lies. You can chase my pulse around with judging blades for me. But, I will only suffer for the vindicated me. Any attempt to impede these steps will be taken in light stride, conquering your facade by shading the bright side.

These scars came from living, and the end of innocence. My ways of forgiving are worse than a consequence. I beat myself up enough as my heart and mind go to war. How can I be frightened by anyone or anything anymore? I am my own worst enemy with daily mental beatings. Only I can train myself to learn from all the bleeding.

Today I discovered what it means to really swallow pride. It's a metaphorical razor blade dicing your insides. But, then it's over, you take a breath, and review your decision. A redesigned outlook at the cost of internal incisions. Not everything is what you thought, it is never white and black. It is red, red, red--like a heart beating through your back.

...and so I listen to the call of the soldier in my chest. I've left him stranded once before and ignored all his requests. But, now the tone of the memories, as sung by somber voices, leaves me questioning the subtleties behind those quiet noises. How much have I missed, and how can I get it again? How did all my dreams go up in flames in the end? 

He says, "Don't worry old friend, you will have it again. Those scars resemble dreams still sleeping in your head. You have prevailed in ways that you still fail to see. Listen to the humble side and enjoy what you've achieved. You must have patience and courage for the dreams you still crave. With all your might and no control, you will wake up in a grave."


Another day to fight. Another day to win. Let my heart lead the way. Let my life begin.